Ep 1 - Strangers With Candy - Open

[Deleted]

Meanwhile, on the other side of the city...

It was in front of the Bellagio Hotel that he found his prey.

They were a lovely couple. He wore a fine black suit, and she was tall and dark and elegant in her sleek red dress. They stood on the balcony of the Circo restaurant. Below them, illuminated fountains in the lake lit up the night with dazzling, splashing radiance.

They were alone.

He could see them from where he was parked in the shadows. They held drinks in fluted glasses and leaned against the railing. Music sparkled across the man-made lake. They had no idea he was there. Watching them.

He waited. They were laughing. Sipping their drinks.

Finally, the woman set her glass on the railing. She opened her mouth, and in his best squeaky-girl voice Wash said, "Tell me where the control centre for your Nuclear Death Ray is, Agent Blacksuit!"

"Never, Red Vixen," he said in his deepest evil voice when the man spoke next. "From low orbit I will obliterate you and all of Sexy Catsuit Squad and also France, unless my ransom of ONE TRILLION DOLLARS is met by midnight. Ha ha ha ha ha!"

"It is eleven-thirty now, you douche," said Red Vixen. "We're gonna need at least one more business day to process the transaction."

"Your transparent attempts to stall me shall only end in failure, woman. Prepare to get your sweet ass melted from space! Even though I am pretty sure that is not how nuclear power works. Also will you hold my drink, I need to check my iPhone?"

The woman took both of their glasses when the man reached into his breast pocket. Wash would have scratched his head if he were able to.

The man tapped away at his phone.

"Uh, hmm... well! My minion just texted me, the death ray is totally ready to fire. Now I shall - apparently spend the next two minutes texting him back with your co-ordinates."

The woman laughed. Wash hastily improvised.

"Ha ha! I laugh, because surely you shall be melted by nuclear powers alongside me! Also, little do you know that Sexy Catsuit Squad resurrected Marie Curie from the dead last week and inducted her into our fightin' spy force. Surely she has discovered your secret control centre by now and is taking out your minions with stunning judo moves. Now hold my purse!"

The man held the woman's purse while she leaned over to check her hair in the reflection of the lake. Wash sighed.

He waited. She took her purse back and kissed the man on his cheek. To his dismay they linked arms.

"Guys, stop, now you're just breaking character," he said. "Oh, hey, where are you going? No, don't go back inside the restaurant! No, wait! Come back! Aww."

The happy couple disappeared inside the brightly lit restaurant. The Autobot sighed again and sank a little lower over his tires. He flicked his windshield wipers back and forth. Rats.

It was nearly midnight, and his patrol shift was at last drawing to an end. He had spent the day cruising Las Vegas, fondly revisiting his old stomping ground. It had been a quiet and pleasant day, sunny, warm - perfect for a drive through the city. And he liked Las Vegas. It was full of colour, light, life. And casinos, and crazies, but they were just a part of its charm as far as he was concerned.

By evening he had found himself parked by the Bellagio Hotel. The sun was long gone, and the night sky blazed with noise and light. As the heat of the day slowly ticked from the metal of his car mode he idly watched people flow in and out of the hotel. It was a nice night to be out. A quiet end to a quiet day.

He was maybe just a little bored.

Beautifully on cue, his police scanner crackled.

Wash perked up. He spun up the volume and listened carefully.

"A what parachuted where?" he said.

----

It had taken him less than ten minutes to race to the outskirts of the city. He could drive a lot faster and blast through a lot more intersections with his red and blue lights flashing.

Now, his tires crunched over worn and rutted asphalt. His headlights played over the abandoned club as he slowly drove into the parking lot, shining across boarded windows and padlocked doors. They lit up a strange scene in front of him, and the puzzled black and white Vegas police car braked to a halt.

"Crossfire," it said, with Wash's voice. "Before anything else, it should be mentioned that I am currently impersonating a police officer in order to respond to the call of an illegal parachute drop over the city, and thus prevent the local authorities from getting here first - which I'm not entirely convinced yet is my best course of action. May I ask what is going on here, and why a woman just screamed for the Autobots over a Cybertronian frequency?"

[Deleted]

"A female human Decepticon?" said the police car.

Startled, Wash turned his attention upwards. Good glory. Crossfire was right. Her suit was sleek and dark and strangely insectoid, but there she was - a young woman standing on the edge of the second-story rooftop, jeering down at them.

And my goodness. What a mouth on her.

But where had she come from? He was baffled. The only humans that Wash knew of that had any knowledge of the Cybertronians of Earth - and had access to the kind of technology capable of producing powered armour - was MECH. And perhaps the small part of the American military that currently sheltered the Autobots here in Nevada. And Wash did not think that Agent Fowler had any interest in equipping children with powered armour. God knew Miko probably stood first in that line anyway.

And then there was another matter to consider.

Perplexed, Wash dug one wheel into the asphalt.

"A human Decepticon," he said. It was a difficult concept to wrap the mind around. "Are you sure that's what she said, Crossfire? Primus up a tree. I hope this isn't part of some Decepticon plot to brainwash humans or, I don't know... insert hypno-chips in their ears. That would... not be good for human society."

[Deleted]

Well... she certainly didn't seem to like his disguise very much. Which gave Wash a few inklings, but nothing he felt prepared to act upon without further evidence.

He didn't back up when she crunched down onto the pavement in front of them. She was not only familiar with their kind, but held no fear of them either. The protection of her suit made her cocky perhaps, even though his initial scans indicated that it did not pose a threat to a fully-functional Autobot. Or perhaps she was simply a brazen young woman at heart.

... It was probably a combination of both.

Silently, Wash locked all four of his doors and opened a private comm back to Crossfire.

"No, taking anyone back to base at this junction in time poses too much of a security threat," he said. "That goes for humans and Decepticons, and humans who believe they are Decepticons. I'll put a call in for backup from the local authorities shortly. Just give me a moment. I'd like to confirm something."

Wash turned his attention back to the girl.

"No, no fast ones," he said. He waggled his side mirrors at her, like a man showing his empty hands. "Consider us suitably cowed. You know our language and our history? Even many of our own kind can't make that kind of a claim. Your Papi must be a well-learned mech."

[Deleted]

Inwardly, Wash smiled.

It wasn't often that feigning a feint itself work quite so well, but he was always tickled when silly tactics brought results. Anyway, he had what he needed and the keywords were set and the data was compiling nicely. After this he would go and park somewhere with a colourful view of the city for a while, maybe grab ten dollars worth of gas at the nearest station first, and enjoy a quiet evening until the database searches completed themselves and confirmed the last of his suspicions. Or until a drunk puked on his hood. Whichever came first.

Oddly, as Mariah drew closer, the police car did not register an EMF at all. Perhaps his calm manner was not just for show. Or else his field was being suppressed by other means.

"Yes, thank you," he chuckled.

To Crossfire he opened another private comm and good-humouredly said:

"I believe I've solved most of our mystery, Cross. But it's best not to speak further of it here. Let's just see if she's planning to stylistically kill us and then we can go on our way. I'll buy you some gas if you're getting low. Premium. My treat."

[Deleted]

Wash laughed.

"That would be a resounding 'no', I'm afraid," he said. "You are a loyal Decepticon, after all. And we are not at high school. There are no 'social calls' in our war."

The police car's engine purred as it threw itself into reverse. After checking carefully behind himself, Wash backed up slowly, his headlights sweeping across the decrepit lot. His brake lights flashed, lighting up the night in red, and then the car turned and pulled back out of the parking lot again, indicators blinking a left-hand turn. As he pulled out onto the road he sent a private comm back to Crossfire.

"Come on, kid - I'll show you a good gas station with relatively cheap prices. If you have a holoform generator I'll show you the quick and easy way to get a fill-up if you ever need one. I'll also show you how to trick the debit machine at the pumps - but, aha, you might not want to mention that part to Optimus Prime."