Frag, Marry, Kill

[Deleted]

Well, this one's easy!

MARRY: Breakdown



Breakdown seems pretty chill, and Deuce would figure they could work out something where they just drink heavily together and otherwise not interfere with whatever shady shit the other is getting involved with. Good working relationship!

FRAG: Knock Out

Well, even though Deuce is into the



if he's gonna frag a dude he's gonna make sure that mech is a damn good looking one. So Knock Out wins by a wide margin!



That just leaves...



KILL: Pyro-



-tech, oh. Well, that was fast!



Next up is Dart, Jazz, and Zoom-Zoom!

[Deleted]

Oh gosh. Well. Hm.

In all honesty, Xero'd probably frag ZZ. Though, she doesn't really frag...or relationship...or people, honestly (*cough*thougheventuallyshippingherwouldbetotesadorable*cough*). I'd say 'assume she was drunk' but, well...she doesn't really do that either. She just kinda...soldiers.
But, sure, out of character drunk one night stand.

I guess she'd marry Jazz. Like, he seems chill and they might kinda get along.

And she'd most certainly kill Dart. Shooting Decepticons is highly therapeutic.

Next: Shockwave, Fortress Maximus, Nova

[Knock Out]

THIS ONE HAD ME STUMPED FOR AGES. But here we go, again...



FRAG. Fortress Maximus.


What the SHIT. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING. Okay hear me out. If you're gonna' go out (which one would, after that...), it might as well be doing something fun. Right. Right? No.. Yeah. Stupid idea. This isn't fun. Fort Max is terrifying even to Autobots but if Knock Out somehow survived this? What a story it would be. Not that he'd live to tell said story! But HE WOULD TRY. THE ULTIMATE CONQUEST. For the two whole seconds it'd last before Knock Out would die horribly. 


Marry. Shockwave. 

Knock Out wouldn't be happy with it but somewhere in this marriage is a way to screw over Flatline, and he's all for one upping that guy so.. Lets call it a marriage of convenience. For Knock Out. 


Which leaves Kill and... Sorry, Nova, I'm sure you're lovely and all but... There's the whole Autobot thing.. And you're old. like really old. and not Knock Out's type. At all. 



Next up: Ratchet, Wildfire, Thundercloud!

[Deleted]

This was so hard, but I finally got it!

(And this time it's all minions! Why? Why not is the better question!)

Anyway...

Frag: Thunder



Because in all honesty who wouldn't? Just hope he doesn't mind that she's covered in dirt and mud most of the time.

Marry: Wildfire

Solely because they wouldn't have to talk about their problems. That and she seems nice.



That just leaves......



But.... Ratchet doesn't seem bad... I mean he's a medic but he's a Bot... But that's all that's left... maybe if he was to change sides.... and it was in a dark room.... and he was already pretty much dead...


Next! Carbine, Rotary, and Breakdown

[Bumblebee]

HERE WE GO AGAIN. This time with Bumblebeep! :U

Frag: Carbine.

Bee + Carbine + Enough High-grade to knock out a small army = This, and a lot of regret and screaming. So much screaming when they wake up. 


Marry: Rota.

She's a classy lady, and can teach him how to dance! 


Kill: Breakdown.

Sorry Breaky, but you're a Decepticon, and I'm pretty sure Knock Out would have something to say if you were in the other two spots.. I mean he'd have something to say about the whole kill thing, too, but... 


Next up: Starscream, Gypsum and Bulkhead. 

[Deleted]

Weeeellll....

Frag Gypsum. Loneliness got to her. He was nice. She likes mechs who are bigger than her. (Gonna stop before this gets awkward).

Marry Bulkhead. Because he's a pretty level-headed mech. Doesn't screw around too much. Wouldn't annoy her. Maybe.

KILL STARSCREAM

She would HAPPILY shoot the fragger upside the head. But you wouldn't know she was happy. Cause she never smiles.

She might smile after that, though. Just a little one.

Neeeext: Megatron, Pyrotech, Altruous

[Deleted]

Frag: Megatron



She would totally keep it a secret, she's good at keeping secrets. Vega would probably forget about it - as he probably would too - a few days after. Especially if alcohol is involved.

Marry: Pyrotech



Now hear her out on this one. He may be willing to throw her to the wolves if he so desired, but this is war. Vega fully expects to die in the fight and also knows backstabbing happens. Until then they can play chess and have long discussions about intellectual stuff.



Kill: Alturous



He's old! It's going to happen sooner or later!

Next: Bumblebee, Skywarp, and Soundwave

[Deleted]

Oh yeah! I have got to do this for Hazmat!

*looks at three choices*

Hm... this could be interesting!

Okay, first things first!

Frag: Skywarp



Okay okay okay okay, just hear me out on this one...

Skywarp is absolutely crazy, and as the saying goes, frag with crazy people is unbelievable, soooo yeah after a bunch of high grade Hazmat might have the time of his long life with Skywarp... and then would rip the flier in half and hope Shale never finds out.



Marry: Bumblebee



He's the only Autobot to pick from, so yeah merry!  Besides have you seen Bee?



Need I say more?

Which leaves...

Kill: Soundwave

This silent, arrogant, trolling, faceless, meme making 'Con is one of the few that has the ability to find the data on Hazmat's past as a 'Con and therefore is capable of causing Hazmat a lot of trouble.  This mech needs to die.  Die in a very painful, very slooooow way.  One that will leave others so scared they won't ever try to cross Hazmat.  Ever.



Besides, after what he did to the Nemesis, I don't think anyone would mind if Soundy dies.



Okay, we good?  GOOD!

Now, lets see... How about we give some of the new OC's a chance to shine or take fire?

Hazmat... Shale... Steelstrike

[Deleted]

Here it goes again~!

Marry: Steelstrike



They are seriously just a hair's width away from already being there. They have next to no secrets - which comes with the territory of constantly getting absolutely smashed all thr time - and are completely open with their friendship. They don't give a rat's aft what others think and they completely trust each other. All they lack is physical intimacy, which she wouldn't mind truth be told. Hey, she can admit that he's attractive.



Frag: Hazmat



This one is admittedly for more...complex reasons. This wouldn't be for the act itself, it'd be for the after effects. The scarring and the self hatred from the autobot. And of Shale as well. Why emotionally unbalance one bot when you can throw in another one for free?



Kill: Shale

We already have insult, so let's throw in injury as well!



Vega would be delighted in killing this crass little autobot scum. And it'd be made even better by knowing she had taken advantage of her precious little "bot friend". Such delicious turmoil.



Next up:

Optimus, Starscream, Flatline

[Sparkplug]

My turn! Let's see.

Frag: Flatline

He is just so goddamn weird in his construction. Maybe if she was carrying out a really thorough examination of his chassis and Flatline wasn't the horrible, horrible antisocial jerk that he is, something could briefly happen there.



Marry: Starscream

And this relies on the fact that Sparkplug has genuinely no idea what Starscream is like. He's been relatively nice to her so far, he's got a nice sleek frame, and she's written off the sneering now and then as unimportant. I'm certain that at some point she's going to say the wrong thing, and her opinions are going to undergo a drastic revision.





Kill: Optimus

Yeeeeah. Sparkplug's a relatively nice femme, as 'Cons go, and she's even not got much of a grudge against Autobots, beyond the fact she'll cheerfully try to kill them if she gets the chance once the treaty is no longer in evidence. Optimus is the big exception, the singularity in her personality. Optimus needs to die, dead.



Next up: all the femmebots! Arcee, Strongarm, Airachnid.

[Deleted]

I can't not do this with Sideswipe. He's too much of a classic jock-flirt to pass this up.



Frag: Strongarm

Because, hey, she's a Law Enforcer, he was a Law Enforcer, the pillow talk would be great and he might even see her again, go on a few dates, what have you.



Marry: Arcee

She's cool, strong, speaks her mind, could probably give him a run for his money...and she's like one of a very small number of Autobot femmes. And Sides would totally be the one to snag her like



And, of course, he'd kill Arachnid. With a big boom. Particularly if he was already married to Arcee. 

Next up, a narcissistic trio: Hot Rod, Sunstreaker (though he's only been mentioned as existing somewhere out in the universe), and Knockout!

[Deleted]

It's time to do some necromancy up in this place y'all.

Kill: Knockout
Whilst my own heart may beat for Knockout, Sparklight's definitely doesn't. The best con is a dead one.


Frag: Sunstreaker
Whilst Sunstreaker may look good, his personality + Sparklight's personality is a recipe for long term disaster, given how self-centred both are. But hey, if Sunstreaker is so focused on his appearance, he should look good enough to frag!



Marry: Hot Rod
Young and both in way over their heads, Sparklight and Hot Rod would be a recipe for disaster as well, but at least it would have enough explosions, action and bad idea to make even Optimus crack a smirk.



Next on the list!:
Carbine, Vega and Ratchet (All chosen by my 100% no bias random number generator)

[Windshield]

N E C R O P O S T I N G

Marry: Ratchet. He has the cranky housewife personality down already. XD



Frag: Carbine. Windshield might drop the window cleaner back in the prison car wash. 
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
I am so sorry about this.




Kill: Vega, because she likes Chess and Windshield thinks Chess is boring. >.<
Let it be known officially that Windshield is petty enough to kill somebody over being boring.



Next Lineup: Whirl, Downfall, Fort Max :>>>

[Sundance]

Kill: Whirl, sorry Twirlybird, you're out of here. I have a long standing tradition of staying away from crazy, it's worked so far, not going to stop now.

Frag: I'll hang with my fellow flier, though you may never appreciate my racing stripes Downfall, I know you can keep up.

Marry: Fortress Maximus my mech, I'll stand by the guy I most trust here.

And so I leave you all with Skystone, Coldwind and Patch

[Deleted]

Kill: Coldwind. Sorry but I trust about as much as I can throw you and I'd rather not wake up dead with knife in my back.

Frag: Patch. Someone who loves hugs and helps others cope their past and the war deserves all the love and appreciation they can get.

Marry: Skystone. If had to form another long term relationship it would be with a nice fellow flier.

Next set: Bumblebee, Thundercracker, Blue