Texts From Last Night 2: Electric Boogaloo

[Thundercloud]

Alright folks this game is simple, just go on over to Texts From Last Night and browse their collection of funny texts, find ones that your character would send, and post em here. For extra fun, you can respond with how your characters would react to receiving the previous person's text.

I'll start things off with Thundercloud, with a few different options for people to choose from:

1. I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.

2. I WILL beat the hell out of you someday, I Promise

3. then I gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives

4. Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the hell outta me.

5. Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out

[Windshield]

I'm gonna leave most of the responses to Thunder's shit for Carbine because this is the dudebro's time to shine. But there is one I couldn't resist.

I WILL beat the hell out of you someday, I Promise

so it's a date? ;))))

Anyways, here's some Shit Windshield Says:

1. Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this.

2. everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills

3. so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

4. I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.

5. I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.

[Patch]

So I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

... I
have several questions
The most important of which is did the pinecone cross?

1. Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke.

3. I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.

2. Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.

3. I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend

4. It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.

5. What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!

[Red Alert]

Apr 1, 2020 22:19:15 GMT -5 Patch said:

 I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.

You're a bloody menace is what you are.

1. Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.

2. He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laden history.

3. Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening. 

4. I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on.

5. I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."

[Windshield]

Apr 2, 2020 16:48:16 GMT -5 Red Alert said:

Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.

I'll try harder tomorrow. ;)

1. There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars.

2. Sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. Sober me is a tricky glitch.

3. I'm buying a chandelier at Walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, GLITCHES.

4. Would it be cruel if I sold Xanax instead of Adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?

[Deleted]

There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars.

         

            If you'd like to discuss your predilections towards voyeurism and callus disregard             for others' right to privacy, my door is always open.

1. I'll get you through buddy, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs

2. If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis

3. That's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.

4. I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.

5. This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.

[Cassandra Cassidy]

May 6, 2020 0:03:42 GMT -5 @placebo said:

 I'll get you through buddy, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs

How did you get this number?

1. you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now

2. After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest

3. Why is there a cactus in the microwave?

4. hey this is butch, i have to type for kaspar because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands

5. Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night