Ep. 0.5 Redeem Me (Closed)

Her bright cyan optics scanned over Ratchet's back while she waited for him to turn around and notice her. He was a solidly built mech, not too short and that was always good. Vel only liked shorter bots when they were much smaller and she could pick them up and walk around with them if the feeling struck her. Though for once she wasn't thinking what she liked and disliked in a mech as she watched them for anything other than something to do. Velocity was actually very nervous and agitated and did not want to broadcast either of these things along with the good feelings she had going on.

She tried to favor the medic with a smile but it was only half formed and didn't even light up her optics. She was not going to lie to him of he asked her anything, no matter what it was. The question here was would he, or rather how brave would he be? It seemed that lately she frightened others or they just ignored her. Her everything was frayed thin and tight as could be. The fact that he was calm and inviting helped a great deal and she loosened the tightness in her plating and assumed a more natural stance for herself, which was completely straight.

“Maybe if you help me than I can help you when we are finished. Fair trade.” Now her smile was bigger and she wandered inside, walking around him and making sure not to bump him or anything. She was no slight femme but she had been created, sparked, to be aesthetically pleasing and moved with a surprising grace when fully functional. When working with politics it helped if you were also attractive and not just manipulative and charismatic.

She settled herself down once she found a place to sit and pulled her legs underneath her and folded her hands in her lap. It was a prim way to settle but that was her normal position unless she was incredibly comfortable with someone, but it had been...too long to count since that. “If we speak, if I talk to you, how can I know this will stay with us? I need this, so badly.” Her voice cracked just the tiniest bit on the last word but she didn't even showcase anything, nothing at all. Field was still locked down and face impassive.

Slowly she loosened some hold on her field and it was a mess, completely chaotic and shifting from one emotion to the next so rapidly that it would be hard to tell what she was really feeling deep down. All of the things in her field were real, but the despair was the harshest and the strongest and also the deepest ingrained currently. Then came the never-ending feeling of loneliness, from a femme who used to be terribly social because of her job. Velocity didn't completely let go because she wasn't wanting to overwhelm Ratchet completely right off.

“A fellow control freak hmm? We will either be able to work harmoniously or drive each other crazy. I bet on the crazy.” She tried for another smile than just gave up on it. There was too much weighing too heavily on her and smiling just wasn't going to happen right now. Better not bother than do something half-way, she hated that kind of thing so it would make her angry with herself to do it to another. The black and red femme fidgeted with her servos, the clawed scraping across one another in the sudden silence.

He spoke again then and she focused all her attention on him, going rather still. “I don't believe anything will endanger anyone. It's mostly on how I feel, what is inherently wrong with me lately, even if I am not sure on that.” Vel had tried to analyze herself but she ended up just making things more of a mess. She lay her servos now palm up on her legs and vented so harshly. “I have no idea where I should even start. The very beginning, my jobs back on Cybertron, the things I was involved in? Then there was the war, my loss, coming here? Don't forget about being here at all, my escapism, the pain, the severe loneliness.” Her voice was self-deprecating as she finally admitted just how screwed up she was feeling by listing all the things that had led up to now.

It would be up to him what she started with, all of it could be relevant in some way.

"Alright then small times it is! I will stop by once in awhile...assuming everything works out, and help you." What she really meant was that this meeting, this talk, everything hinged on it. If it went badly she would leave. Not just the medbay but the base and the Autobots entirely. No defection, she was not about to become a Decepticon but Neutral wasn't so bad. At least then she wouldn't be judged so harshly and wouldn't feel alone in a group she would just really be alone.

"The beginning hmm? I won't go into huge detail about certain things, that would just be boring. I will only touch on what is relevant." Bright blue optics watched him a moment, scanning over every inch of him before she seemed satisfied by something and sat back to relax. "This will take awhile you know, I hope you don't mind." Velocity gave him an apologetic smile with a small shrug to accompany it.

"I was sparked upper caste, a towerling. I was made not out of love but for a purpose. I filled that purpose well, I was a hard worker. In fact I overworked every single day, never took a day off." Smiles a bit ruefully at that not really looking at Ratchet now. "Something happened and I got into politics, and oh was I good at it, but I never wanted an office. I worked behind the scenes, ended up being way up there with the Senator who dealt with Kaon and the like." She paused then and watched him to see his reactions thus far.

He was incredibly attentive and that gave him major points with her. Though he did not talk, and honestly there wasn't really a reason for him to yet, she still could tell he was listening and even concerned for her. This new sensation, having someone actually care about what had happened to her or at least what was bothering her, was almost exhilarating. Velocity watched his face as she had spoken, taken in everything. When he sat by her she smiled for him and felt more relief. This was the first time someone had reached out to her, even if she had shown up first in the med bay to speak to him. Maybe things wouldn't be so bad after all.

She continued on with her story, hoping it wouldn't bore him too much. “Once I was in my high powered position I attracted the attention of a mech. His name was Nitro.” There was venom in her words when she said that name. “He wooed me and I will be honest I was easy to woo back then. All I did was work and research and study. Some gorgeous mech with charisma flowing from his plating starts to pay attention to me and I was all his. However, I did not change my work habits and he fooled around, a lot, behind my back. This after he started talking bonding to me.” One shoulder shrugged but it was obvious that this wound still stung. “Once I found out about his philandering, I almost killed him. I was in love Ratchet, so completely, or so I thought. I beat him with my bare hands until many others had to pull me away from him.” Optics focused on her servos now, the claws twitching as she remembered.

Shaking her head she went on, looking back up to what may be her new friend. “I was spark-broken after that mess. I worked even harder if that was possible. I wanted an end to this mockery of how things were playing out amongst the caste system. I saw first hand what happened to those of low caste sparkings and I will admit I had my hands in a lot of those things as well. I needed to learn more, I wanted to be even further involved but still keep my position. My position was important, and it stayed that way even when I contacted someone and set things in motion that changed everything.” The way she looked at him now, there were many details she was not giving him but the haunted look could speak volumes.

“I never knew then what would happen later. I still wouldn't change a thing I just wish I could have seen the disaster coming.”

He was right and that received a small smile from her. She had worked hard for so long, it had consumed her but she never minded it. Work was her love, her solace, her home...it had once been her everything. Other had called her cold, hard, unreachable, emotionless, etc. The list went on and on. Though there had been plenty of times she proved them wrong, Nitro being the first big time, and worst mistake of her life. “I don't have any regrets really. I would still work more than anything else if I had anything to work for. A job I do not have, I wander.”

“I saw a lot. None of which I will ever forget.” Turns to look at Ratchet and shrugs some before leaning against him, seeking some sort of comfort. Opening up like this was hard. Not just because she had become so secretive but these were old and very painful wounds that she was dragging herself through. Not to mention the things she had only told maybe two others and the ones no one else ever knew about. He would find these things out soon.

Once she was comfortable leaning on him she brought her legs up to fold them and began again. “I met a mech, when I was in a small position in Kaon. He changed everything for me. His plight opened my eyes. I met him again later on though this was on purpose. We talked, I told him he could change the world I saw so much potential in him. I told him anything he needed I would help.” Her voice grew softer, the tones neutral as well. “I helped him with credits and an un-hackable radio frequency so that he could reach the masses. We became friends, this mech and I, and grew close. I helped him a lot, he confided in me and we worked together though I was the unknown, the behind the scenes.” Velocity waited a moment, this was something important and a secret that had never come past her mouth, not in it's entirety. “This mech is well known now as Megatron.”

There was more to say. About her relationship with the warlord and the thing that had really broken her spirit. However, the way the medic responded to this bit of information was crucial. Another teetering on the edge moment with her.

He didn't respond like she thought he might. In fact he responded very opposite of what she had envisioned. A smile lit up her face and her field finally held traces of hope and even a bit of contentment. Velocity had no idea what it was about Ratchet but he seemed to be able to get her to not only relax but also calm inside as well. Not just for the reason of him listening to her either. This had started out as something desperate and needy and was starting to turn into a thing she might actually like doing instead of needed to.

“You mean Prime and I actually think the same? I never would have thought that. Not even sure how that makes me feel right now but it isn't bad I can tell you that.” There were no real thoughts on this either. Her and Prime thinking the same. The chances of her telling Prime anything though were slim to none. He was supposedly a great leader but she had no feeling toward him at all, more like a great big blank.

Vel nodded to the rest of his words. “He was great, he was wonderful. I believed in him and not many towerlings did. They were too full of themselves for the most part, not like she wasn't though. “Everything changed Ratchet. The world fell opened up and fell apart and misery was born anew.” Perhaps a bit poetic sounding but no less the truth for the pretty words. “He lost himself and his ideal. Those that followed him did as well. I was neither a Decepticon nor an Autobot when things first fell apart. I still held on to maintaining that this could all work. I was so wrong.”

Her optics lit upon her claws and she seemed to inspect them in great detail when she continued. “Eventually even I noticed the gaping hole in what was once something so promising. Once things could no longer be held together I joined the Autobots and fought on this side because everything Megatron stood for now was wrong.” Velocity was very grateful that Ratchet was not only listening to her but also talking with and letting her get what comfort she could for the physical contact.

“When I was working on Cybertron, before everything fell apart, I was involved in a lot of bad things. I had my hands in the gladiatorial arena and the shell companies used to siphon the money off to so that no one would become suspicious.” Even now though she did not regret what had happened. All things for a reason after all even if the reason wasn't always good. That and she had learned so much back then plus it was her first time seeing them, the Twins.