Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed)

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 10, 2012 4:21:51 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 10, 2012 4:21:51 GMT -5

Shadowrunner's normal approach to patrol involved speed limits as a suggested minimum and as much active scanning for human law enforcement as for Decepticon signals and energon traces. Barring human interference, she could cover a given route in less than two-thirds the time allotted - her personal best was a shade under half - and the reason she didn't do so more often had more to do with side explorations than lack of speed. Had there been anyone to observe the classic black Impala crawling along under the speed limit and hanging behind vehicles she could easily have passed, it would have been readily apparent that today was not normal.

"Normal" did not involve delaying her return to base because of a tank-churning dread over seeing Ironhide once she got back.

With only a few miles of patrol left between her and the official start of her cross-training, Shadow was ready to call the whole thing off. She couldn't, of course; the upgrades to her scanners were an investment of resources that couldn't simply go to waste, and Ironhide...she had promised him she wouldn't quit. She didn't intend to quit, no matter how many last minute doubts gnawed at her.

On the other hand, she wouldn't object to being delayed by a Decepticon attack right about now.

She knew Ironhide wanted to teach...well, not her, necessarily, but someone, his enthusiasm for the subject apparent from the moment she'd said yes, and it was hardly his fault that her response to his enthusiasm had shifted from "eager reciprocation" to "mild panic" over the past week and a half. She couldn't blame her initial fear that she wouldn't be able to learn - she followed his informal explanations easily enough to put that fear to rest - and Primus knew she hadn't lost interest. If they could have continued like this, explanations coming according to what cropped up and Ironhide's whim, she would have been perfectly content.

No, what had her wheels sticking to the pavement was a strut-deep fear of what the shift from cohort to instructor was going to mean.

Unfortunately, patrol was finite, the Decepticons were nowhere to be found, and short of pulling off the road and refusing to go home (which was more tempting than she really wanted to admit, even to herself), she couldn't delay the end of her patrol forever. Anxiety spiking through her systems, Shadow reached the end of her patrol route, waited for the human traffic to clear the area, and triggered the remote to activate a ground bridge back to base.

((OOC: Ironhide/Shadow thread, takes place just a bit after Zen and the Art of Large Guns, so say...at the very end of month three.))

Last Edit: May 10, 2012 4:30:58 GMT -5 by Deleted

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 11, 2012 13:07:07 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 13:07:07 GMT -5

Ironhide was waiting for Shadow in the control room, back leaned up against the wall by the groundbridge controls, field an easy, long wave of enjoyment mixed with anticipation and muted eagerness. He had, truth be told, been looking forward to this, with increasing amounts for each hurdle crossed. Shadow's schedule had been cleared with Jazz's blessing, the upgrades to her scanners taking all to easily, and he had been counting down the days and hours since, trying to muffle the eager youngling threads that kept creeping into his field. "Think you're more excited than she is," Jazz had said, and his cohortmate probably wasn't wrong. Shadowrunner had little real idea what she was getting into, and Ironhide had felt the muted bursts of nervousness from her.

Ironhide, on the other hand, knew fairly well what they were in for, and was looking forward to having fun. Preferably with things that went 'boom', and the sheer joy of shared enthusiasm.

Shadowrunner came back from patrol on a punctual clocktick and Ironhide forcibly restrained the glee (Steeljaw, perched atop the monitors, flicked an audial at him that told him he'd at least somewhat succeeded) and tried to channel it into something a little more gruff and instructor-like. "Good timing," he told her as she came to stand in front of him. "Ah grabbed us a room down in th' lower levels, good place t' practice. If yer ready...?"

Underscored with a map flash of where they were going, it wasn't really a question. Ironhide kept the grin off his faceplates, hooked Shadow by one elbow, and gave her a small push in the direction of the door.

Last Edit: May 11, 2012 18:54:01 GMT -5 by Deleted

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 11, 2012 20:00:46 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 20:00:46 GMT -5

No turning back now.

Shadow wasn't ready, but it didn't matter; past any chance to change her mind, the pede-dragging reluctance to start vanished under a sense of inevitability. The shift was surprisingly easy, anxiety coiling and shunting aside to be replaced by sharp-edged focus. A little like starting a mission, even if the only objective at the moment was "don't torque off the instructor," and her systems cycled down from the sheer relief of not having her processor spit doubts and what-ifs at her.

Normal involved talking, sticking close by Ironhide's side where space permitted and walking backward where it didn't, navigating by dorsal sensors, her own knowledge of the base, and the minute changes in Ironhide's expression when he thought she was going to walk into something. It involved contact, of whatever variety, but today was not normal and unlike the halls of the base, Shadow didn't know how to navigate. So she kept a little distance between them, moving toward the indicated room with a speed she hoped Ironhide would read as eagerness instead of the desire to simply get this over with.

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 11, 2012 22:16:48 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 11, 2012 22:16:48 GMT -5

The quiet, where there was usually questions and easy chatter, was what tipped him off. Quiet, a set, precise distance, and a stiff briskness to her pace. Ironhide couldn't, for the life of him, figure out what had triggered her, what past or expectation spawned thing had surfaced from her memory core to plague her, but he could certainly spot the difference between the normal looseness of her frame and the stiffness in Shadow's struts now.

He said nothing, letting the silence settle thick until they reached the room he had picked out, one of several empty ones in the lower levels slated for storage or assorted use. Empty to begin with, he had cobbled together a work table from spare parts and metal sheeting and appropriated two chairs to make a useable working space.

The moment the door snicked shut behind them Ironhide stepped forward, catching Shadowrunner around the waist with one arm and hefting her just enough to spin her easily around. Two steps and a lift saw him sunk heavily into the nearest chair, her stiff framed weight dragged awkwardly up across his knees as he pulled her close to his chassis.

"Shhh," he rumbled, drowning her protest in the bass vibration of his engine. "Just meh, bitlet. It's okay. Just meh."

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 12, 2012 5:22:34 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 12, 2012 5:22:34 GMT -5

Shadowrunner barely had a chance to take in the room, still relatively bare despite the worktable, before Ironhide scooped her up and pulled her against him. And she didn't want it, not the illusion than things were unchanged and normal and fine when there was no way they could be, not the reminder that she might not have annoyed the instructor, but she had obviously failed to keep him from realizing anything was wrong.

"Don't we have work to do?" Shadow had never pulled away from Ironhide before, and she couldn't escape his hold completely, but she did manage to twist enough to put distance between her frame and the warm rumble vibrating through his, trying to recapture the cold focus she'd had on the walk here, the detachment which had torn and vanished the moment he touched her. Instead, the loss of contact only made it obvious she was hunching up against the specter of the unknown, plates shifting into defensive configurations without conscious direction.

Ironhide wasn't letting her go, and there was not nearly enough distance between them - the temptation was still there to lean in and pretend things were fine, and nothing less than the space of the entire room and possibly a few walls would be enough - and for a brief moment Shadow didn't know whether to be angry or relieved. "Please," she said, voice ringing hollow and miserable, "can't we just get this over with?"

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 12, 2012 10:57:34 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 12, 2012 10:57:34 GMT -5

There was a reason Bluestreak recharged less than any medic would tell the sniper oi should - there had been periods where recharge meant coming up out of deep memory fluxes screaming and Ironhide had spent more than a few downcycles holding a furiously struggling frame until Bluestreak could reboot and orient on here/now, something which had become increasingly complicated as Bluestreak had progressed to larger and sturdier frames which now included weaponry.

There had also been a period of sparkling development in which "no" had become Bluestreak's favorite word, usually coupled with "no, I want to go do that!" where "that" had been every horrifically unsafe thing Ironhide could think of. Suffice it to say, Ironhide had developed a large amount of experience over the vorn in holding onto flailing, struggling, cranky, and potentially dangerous sparklings.

Shadowrunner really wasn't any different.

He pulled her back in, wrapped in his arms and against his chassis, his chin tucked forcefully over her helm. Stops opened in his engine vibrated through them both, steady and even, and he pulsed reassurance to her that was underscored in love and cohort. "Ain't nothin' t' be gotten over with," he told her gently, servos rubbing reassurance and traced glyphs of comfort over her backplates. He still wasn't sure what had set her off but... hm.

"Just meh," he repeated softly. "Sorry if Ah scared yeh, bitlet. All th' bluster's for th' rest of 'em, didn't think yeh'd think it was meant for yeh. Ain't nothin' t' be tight over. Ah ain't that hard a taskmaster, specially not for cohort."

Shifting, he bumped faceplates against her forehelm, nuzzling gently, and slipped teasing humor into his field. "Ah ain't that scary, am Ah?"

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 12, 2012 12:43:12 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 12, 2012 12:43:12 GMT -5

Shadow couldn't explain that the problem wasn't Ironhide, except in the fact that she couldn't easily lie to him, or hide what she was feeling. The problem wasn't even really a problem, to her mind; the sick sense of dread, the frantically overclocked processor, the grim bracing against inevitable failure and subsequent punishment, were part and parcel of acquiring new skills. She'd just forgotten, in her initial burst of enthusiasm, how much she hated learning new things, as opposed to picking them up when the opportunity arose.

She vented shakily, leaning into him in spite of herself. "You," very cleanly underscored with cohort, and far more vaguely with something that might have been youngling-to-guardian, "aren't scary." Even Labyrinth hadn't been scary when he wasn't in the role of commander or instructor, but those times had been so vanishingly rare that Shadow had never mastered navigating the shift, had found it easier to always view him as one or the other and seldom felt a loss for it. And Labyrinth, quite honestly, had been much better about clarifying his expectations rather than assuming they would know what he wanted...even if, much of the time, he had gone on to undermine those expectations with tricks and traps and literally impossible tests.

She didn't want to keep that kind of distance from Ironhide, though, or spend her time second-guessing where she stood with him, and the thought of him deliberately setting her a test she couldn't pass made her plates flare defensively again. "I just think I made a mistake. I can't do this."

The glyphs she used had very little to do with what most would consider learning, and everything to do with fear and distance and separation, the concepts so tightly intertwined in her processor that Shadow couldn't tell the difference. 'I know I asked/wanted/promised not to quit,' she added, slipping into Basic. 'I'm sorry. I was wrong/stupid/foolish. Forgive me?'

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 12, 2012 22:06:55 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 12, 2012 22:06:55 GMT -5

Ironhide churred quiet reassurance, rumbled notes of acceptance and comfort reverberating even as he cycled a deep ventilation, processor threads streaming furiously. Words were not his strongest point, never had been, but he picked his way through them to try to find answers that would soothe the underlying levels of panic in Shadowrunner's vocalizations. "Shhhh, bitlet. It's alright. There ain't nothin' t' forgive. We're good."

He underscored it with cohort and youngling, wreathed in possessive modifiers of unconditional belonging and personal care. Mine the pulsebeats of his engine rumbled. Safe. Together.

Exventing softly, he pressed his forehelm to hers. "Why do yeh think yeh can't?" he asked bluntly, tone softening the words. "Yeh've picked up everything Ah've shown yeh so far without a hitch."

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 13, 2012 0:51:48 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 13, 2012 0:51:48 GMT -5

Shadow twitched a little in Ironhide's hold, struggling to put her feelings into words. The obvious answer, I don't want to, was so incomplete as to be a lie, and she was fairly sure he wouldn't understand just what she didn't want, no matter how carefully she structured the words. The honest answer, I need you more than I want this, was...not something she could tell him.

She reset her vocalizer, refusing to let herself fall into the concept-driven imprecision of Basic again. "I pick things up well on my own," she said carefully, "but I don't learn," glyphs for structure and instruction, subtly edged with fear, "very well." She hesitated briefly, taking comfort in the way Ironhide's field wrapped possessively around her, assuring her that this was her place no matter what, then admitted, "I don't like learning. I thought..." it would be different with you "...no, I didn't think. I just wanted, and I didn't remember what I was getting myself into until later. And now I don't think I can go through with it."

Last Edit: May 13, 2012 0:53:14 GMT -5 by Deleted

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 13, 2012 18:13:10 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 13, 2012 18:13:10 GMT -5

Ironhide rumbled softly, wordless, as his processor took in and turned her words over. The pieces were coming together and the shape it made forced him to firewall it, sharp and abruptly, before the rumble could become a growl.

Someone had taught her, once upon a time. Someone had taught her in ways that made her fear the teaching.

He quarantined the rising response in his tanks, firewalled it and partitioned it off like a battle response, something to be unpacked and dealt with later, and held her tight, his voice a low, soothing thrum that was underscored in love and safety. "Bitlet, sparklet, Shadow femme - shhhh. It's alright. Ain't nothing wrong, yer fine."

Ironhide was rewriting his lesson plans and approaches as he said it, vocalizer humming softly as he changed several parameters and reset others, trying to thread through a minefield that he could only see the vague shape of. Labyrinth, he concluded with a base rev that vibrated clean through them both, had deserved a lot worse than whatever he had encountered at Barricade's hands.

Throttling it back, he leaned in to nudge her again, helm to helm. "Ah don't know how yeh've had it in th' past, bitlet, but Ah wasn't planning much more'n what we've done before. Just got a nice chunk of time an' some better tools, now, that's all." He bumped her again, deliberately, letting a teasing warmth flood her field. "An' Ah'd bet a monitor shift against a long patrol that yeh'd do just fine with it."

Last Edit: May 13, 2012 18:15:15 GMT -5 by Deleted

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 14, 2012 2:05:11 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 14, 2012 2:05:11 GMT -5

Shadow's frame relaxed bit by bit under Ironhide's soothing, minute shifts fitting her more comfortably against him. She offlined her optics for a few nano-kliks, let herself focus on his voice and his field, the familiar security of his arms around her, and some of the tension eased out of her, his initial assurance of it's me finally taking on meaning.

Going on more or less as they had been was exactly what she'd wanted; she enjoyed the explanations, she enjoyed the time spent together, and she enjoyed discovering the intricacies and diversity of what she had originally lumped under 'weapons'. Before she'd had time to think about it, she had been looking forward to more hands-on learning, and to finding out for herself why she needed the upgraded scanners. She had an idea, since Ironhide had shared the feed from his scanners more than once, but her own scanners had so far only undergone the most basic calibration, and she certainly hadn't had the chance to use them for anything.

The same impulses which had made her say yes in the first place were resurfacing, now that the fear was being pushed back, and the gentle teasing - something purely cohort, something she couldn't mistake for anything else - actually brought a smile to her face plates. She returned the helm bump, settling more securely against Ironhide's chassis, and grinned up at him.

"You sound," she said, trying to match the teasing notes in his voice and field, "awfully sure of yourself, making a bet like that."

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 14, 2012 12:07:24 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 14, 2012 12:07:24 GMT -5

Ironhide hummed an assent, the deep rumble of his engine easing into something softer as Shadowrunner's field relaxed. "An' that's why Ah'm th' instructor, yeah?"

He held her for another handful of kliks - just held, letting her relax, letting his own systems cycle down. He could, he thought, give her a choice - they could postpone the lessons, but he doubted that would help. Whatever it was she feared was more feared because it was unknown. Tackling that sort of fear, quick and fast, like ripping free a plate, was usually easier than letting it build.

Nudging her again, Ironhide let his voice settle just a shade firmer, field still pulsing support. "Ah ain't gonna let yeh quit, bitlet. Not when Ah know it's somethin' yeh can do, and something Ah think yeh'll enjoy once we get t' it. This ain't hard an' fast - what we do here is just yeh an' meh, an' if we do it one time or a hundred times t' get it right then nobody outside this room needs t' know." He hesitated, remembering one spark breaking evening of holding her, all of them clustered around her, as she protested her own lack of worth. "Ah ain't gonna hold it against yeh if it don't go right th' first tahm." He tapped her arm, above her guns. "Learnin' curve. Remember that?"

Last Edit: May 14, 2012 12:08:09 GMT -5 by Deleted

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 14, 2012 15:22:24 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 14, 2012 15:22:24 GMT -5

"Learning curve, I know," she said without enthusiasm. It was a concept Shadow still had trouble with; it felt like an excuse for failure, and it took an effort for her not to apologize over her inability to simply do what she was told, or to ask how long it would take him to give up on her. The reminder that Ironhide's faith in her abilities didn't extend to expecting her to pick things up immediately combined with the steady pulsebeats of comfort and safety/protection, with the warm possessiveness in his field that assured her this was where she belonged, and she leaned her helm against his shoulder, soaking in the wordless I won't hurt you.

Apparently, even in the role of instructor, Ironhide didn't have it in him to harm those he called cohort.

It was a relief, enough to push her fears to manageable levels, but not enough to make her relax completely. Ironhide had scheduled a good block of time for this first lesson, which meant that in spite of his reassurances he was planning something more substantial than the usual quick round of show and tell. "What are we going to start with?" Barely concealed anxiety streaked the question, but it was finally out in the open, rather than her processor presenting her with scenarios she knew were unreasonable, but couldn't stop worrying over, all the things she didn't know looming over her.

And speaking of things she didn't know...

She vented quietly, shifting in his hold just enough to take in the room, and attempted to force some enthusiasm into her voice. "It looks like you have big plans." She looked up at him with the ghost of a grin, and wry humor, at least, came easier. "No wonder you can't let me quit."

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 15, 2012 18:04:03 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 15, 2012 18:04:03 GMT -5

Ironhide huffed a soft laugh. "Yeah, big plans," he agreed. "Empty room, empty table, two chairs - don't tell Jazz Ah stole 'em from the rec room, we'll have t' put 'em back later - an'..."

He leaned back slightly, enough to pull their first planned lesson from his subspace. The metal globe was, in his hand, roughly analogous in size to a human volleyball, smooth except for one weld line around the circumference, and gave a dense, dull, heavy sound when he bounced it once against his palm. "...This."

Handing it to Shadow, Ironhide settled back in the chair, not letting go but shifting to give her room. "Inside that," he told her, "is one bolt each in sizes DE, OL, ES an' QA. One bolt cap, of sizes 1E, 9H, an' 3T. One coolant line with two perforations, precisely 176.2 millimeters long, one piece of titanium alloy, 286.3 by 130.9 by 32.6 millimeters rectangular, another piece of identical titanium alloy with a 2.8 millimeter fracture in it, and, half a rust stick." He tapped a knuckle against the ball, elliciting the dense sound again. "An' a slag load of nearly but not quite identical scrap pieces. Yer job is t' test out those new scanners an' see if yeh can find it all without breakin' it open."

He hesitated a nanoklik, then leaned forward to lightly bump his helm against hers again. "No time limit, bitlet. An' Ah'll tell yeh now - one of those things ain't actually in there." He raised a finger to hush her. "Usual test would be t' see if yeh can figure out which one's missin' an' call slag on meh. Ain't a trick, an there's no foul if yeh don't. Ain't a matter of right or wrong answer, it's response trainin'. Ah can't even tell yeh th' number of slaggers Ah've had try t' argue with meh that they had something upgraded, or it was repaired last orn, or they just had it serviced last decacycle. Part of our job-" he tapped her chestplate as well as his own, "-is t' call Pitslag on th' lying fraggers."

Ironhide grinned. "So if yeh've ever wondered if they teach that fragged off attitude t' all medics, well, Ah can tell yeh Ah DO teach it t' specialists."

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Ep 0.5 - "Building Foundations" (closed) May 16, 2012 2:35:44 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on May 16, 2012 2:35:44 GMT -5

"Our job." Shadow found herself inordinately pleased by those words, in spite of the fact it wasn't her job, not really, and she still half-suspected Ironhide was humoring her for want of a better student. Still, they made her smile, a smile that lingered while she pulled her attention back to the dull metal sphere and gave it one quick, superficial scan which did nothing but confirm that, yes, it was packed just as solidly as it felt, and no, Ironhide had not made this easy. The scan returned a chaotic jumble of alloys and densities which would have sent her anxiety skyrocketing if Ironhide hadn't told her there was no time limit. As it was, the prospect of all the time in the world and a puzzle to solve sent a quick flare of pleased anticipation through her, and she hefted the ball in her hands, giving it another, more thorough scan.

"Well, I can tell you for sure there isn't half a rust stick in here," she said with mock seriousness, picking out the obviously-lower-density target. "There's about a third of a rust stick, an eighth of a rust stick, and assorted bits and pieces." She shot him a grin, and somehow just the fact that she could joke with him made this all the easier. "I can measure and record all of them, if you want."

She turned her attention back to what she was doing, sifting through the wealth of data her new scanners returned and separating the obviously wrong (where the Pit had he even gotten a bottlecap?) from the items which warranted a closer inspection. That only cut what she was dealing with by about a third, and after a moment's thought Shadow cut off her awareness of her internal chronometer, knowing that even with the assurance of no time limit she'd inevitably start worrying about taking too long if she didn't.

Of course, without a ticking clock the sheer amount of detail she was able to read was distracting enough to require periodic reminders that she was supposed to be looking for things, not just examining what was in the ball for its own sake. Shadow hummed a little, adjusting and recalibrating her scanners for finer detail to select between two coolant lines of identical length (the second perforation on the correct line was so near the first that she had initially mistaken them for a single tear, and she didn't bother concealing her satisfaction when she finally found her mistake), measuring and re-measuring one of the pieces of titanium alloy, and finally - with a mixture of triumph and trepidation - looking up at Ironhide.

"There's no ES bolt in here," she said, forcing herself to make it a statement of fact instead of claiming she couldn't find it, and fairly sure he could tell it was forced. She pinged him, then sent a data burst, each item meticulously recorded and mapped to its location within the ball, including the larger fragments of the rust stick, but excluding the final item. That she held back just long enough to make sure it would get his attention. "And I only measured a 2.77 millimeter fracture in the second piece of titanium alloy."