Ep. 0- Shell Shock. -open-

Cradling Bluestreak was a lot like cradling Miko - except for the part where it was absolutely nothing of the sort, and not only because the sniper was far more of an armful than Miko's slight weight on Bulkhead's shoulder usually was. But the feeling was the same, the same spark wrenching sort of helplessness he felt on the rare occasions Miko cried and all he could do was stand there, a big lump of uselessness, no way to help, no way to fix whatever was broken.

Bulkhead awkwardly patted Bluestreak as he carried hir towards Medbay, careful to avoid the shredded remnants of doorwings that were leaking energon down Bulkhead's arms. He could only imagine the pain, and that was just the physical - trying to imagine the rest, trying to think what he would be feeling if it had been Miko in Ray's place, if Miko had been... had...

They needed him at the power stations, but Bulkhead kept his pace steady, trying not to jar the smaller mech in his arms. "Hey," he rumbled, low and quiet. "Hey, Blue, it's..." 'Okay' stuck in his throat, the sheer inadequate ridiculousness of it choking him. It wasn't okay, of course it wasn't, and it wouldn't be, not for a good while. Trailing off, Bulkhead rebooted his vocalizer. "We've got it," he finished weakly. "Ironhide and Shadow are on it. They'll make sure Barricade never even thinks about doing that to anyone again." How anyone would go about beating that into the hard helmed 'Con with enough force to stick Bulkhead didn't want to even think about, but surely if anyone could then it would be those two. "And... and Ratch'll patch you up, you'll be okay. I mean..."

He was babbling, he knew, but there was just nothing he could say that would make it better and the sounds, coupled with the thick, wretched feel of the sniper's field, made Bulkhead want to just hit things because that, at least, he could do and was good at.

Medbay opened up before them and Bulkhead eased Bluestreak onto the nearest berth. "Ratchet'll take care of ya," he repeated, trying to press some modicrum of comfort into the other. It wasn't much, but it was all he could think of. "Look, I... they need me. 'Con's are making a mess. But... I'll come back, okay? Just hang tight." He patted the slim shoulder again, feeling exponentially more clumsy than usual, then eased back and shuffled hastily out, letting his strides lengthen as he made for the control room and the land bridge.

He was pretty sure he could hear the sniper's keening even when he was out of all possible audio range.

Ratchet's less than gracious bed side manner was the kind of normalcy Bluestreak needed to snap hir from the self reproaching thoughts. Looking up at the medic and really seeing were ou was for the first time since....

"Ray and I went to get his truck and we were attacked. Barricade and some Drone. Barricade had the drone kill Ray!"

And the floodgates open. Words came pouring out, not even aware of exactly what was said but the general theme seemed to be 'he's dead and it's my fault.'

"But if I'd protected him better! If I had never let him be involved." Something like a sob escaped hir chassis. Unable to cry like a human could and wishing ou could to properly express hir grief. Ray was dead and in the end it didn't matter who was at fault or who fired the shot that wiped him out he was never coming back.

"My spark hurts, Ratchet but I don't think it has anything to do with what happened to me before."

What was with medics and being right. Looking up to make optic contact with Ratchet. Ou reached up to take hold of one of his hands. Just because Ratchet was right didn't make things hurt any less but ou could at least thank him for the wisdom wasted as it may be.

"I'm sorry.... Can you fix my door wings again? I promise I'll try to listen to your advice."

Letting the EM field reach out to help Bluestreak feel as balanced as ou could Ratchet held hir servo and Ratchet put his other servo on hir shoulder. “Don’t worry Bluestreak.”

Ratchet put annoyance back into his voice “I will fix your door wings. My advice will be helpful to you so you better hear me this time.”

Before Ratchet could start on the advice Arcee came in. It might help to have another. However on hearing her words Ratchet felt he should give more advice. He did have a lot of it and it was good. “Arcee you had better not be going where I think. It is Barricade’s fault.”

Arcee knew they were right. Perfectly logical, she hadn't been there at the site of the ambush. Barricade commit the murderous act and most assuredly not for the first time.

But there had been a time, a chance, when she could have, maybe, stopped Barricade and prevented many lives a great deal of pain. Before joining the Autobots, Barricade confronted her with the truth that he revealed his deep involvement with the growing Decepticons, Arcee had felt shock and denial. She had known him better then most, at least as well as anyone could know the multi-faceted infiltrator. Barricade hadn't quite been a partner to her, not like Tailgate or Cliffjumper. Rather a kinship existed between the two of them, one that reached to a slight darker and more ruthless side dormant within Arcee that could understand Barricade's discontent with the status quo of the past and the need for action by any means necessary. Perhaps only the raw grief of losing K-9 from a Decepticon bombing, along with Tailgate's more noble influence, kept Arcee from even considering Barricade's reasons...and offer to come with him...Instead Arcee walked away.

Arcee never saw him again after that until here again on Earth. Difficult it was to suppress old stirrings of the spark to reclaim a relic or kinship of the past when everyone else was gone or missing. These were the thoughts, the primary source, of her guilt. The longings of old clashing with her desire to protect her new family and maintaining her duty to the Autobots and to her Prime.

Arcee threw up a more chipper facade on her faceplates and narrowing the range of EMF, so hopefully Ratchet and Bluestreak wouldn't pick up so much on her mood and explained vaguely, "I know, I just wish...I had done more on to stop him on a previous encounter."