Comms From Last Night

[Deleted]

Alright folks, since I seem to be incapable of not making games, here’s another one: Comms From Last Night. To those of you familiar with the website Texts From Last Night, you probably already know where this is going but for those of you who don’t, here’s the gist:

TFLN is a website where people can post their hilarious texts for the world to laugh at. For this game, all you have to do is go to the site, and post whatever texts you find there that are relevant to your character - either something they would text, or something that would be texted by them.

Of course, you’re allowed to make edits to the quotes at your own discretion, to make it fit the voice of your character or to change information that isn’t relevant to them, what with the majority of characters here being robots who don’t have human-specific problems which often come up in these texts.

Now, as a fair warning, TFLN is not very safe for work due primarily to the strong language and references to sexual acts in some of the text, so tread carefully! If you don’t feel comfortable going to the site to find texts, that’s perfectly fine - you can also just make up your own texts if you’d prefer to do so.

I'll star things off with Thundercloud, since he's by far the easiest character I have to find texts for:

"He is drunkenly eating teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one." (Three guesses as to who he's talking about.)

"I woke up with 10 visible bite marks and a dented optic. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night."

"As she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now."

"Had "I should be in prison or dead" story-time at the bar. Found out Deuce has done blow off a dead guy."

"There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them." (Oops look it's about Carbine again)

"The liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of Nightmare Fuel. I told her I wanted to be on cops"

"The only thing the cop asked me is "...how are you still alive"?"

[Deleted]

Fort Max, all the time:

[Deleted]

Time for some drunken B-Dump! >:3 Oh, he is not proud of some of his moments in his youth.

(510): "My actions are not mine. They are the actions of one Gladiator's Glitch, two Kaonite Gut-Busters, several cubes of Lil' Maccadam's, a Berzerk Button, and a Nightmare Fuel."

(403): "We're at a high-grade station. Then going to the hospital"

(253): "I yelled 'NO FLEX ZONE!!!' at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking"

(585): "You called his Conjunx Endura a a rustgull, a dust-lilleth and a glitchmouse with wings, and told it to go eat Garbage-O's out of a dumpster."

(252): "I'm going to have to sleep in a bar again"

(954): "Surprise court date day!!! Wake the frag up!"

(360): "What's life without a false alarm from someone who says they're self-genning and that they're carrying your sparkling?"

(443): "IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE TOWERS I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF"

(517): "Please tell me I made it home with no missing limbs // (812): Nope

[Deleted]

Red does not have texts of his own, but he DOES have a plethora of texts referring to him -

"Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend."

"on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag."

"I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Slag. Did he at least like it?"

"They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were."

[Optimus Prime]

[Deleted]

"You act like this is the first time I thought I was invisible."

"A gentleman never tells...therefore I will neither confirm nor deny the attached photos."

[Carbine]

Carbine has FAR too many. I culled a lot and I still have this list XD

Also he's an awful person.

--------------

"We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS! HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK"

"No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds."

"I don't think I'll make it tonight the floor won't let me walk."

"I passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to the berth. Nightmare Fuel sucks."

"I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fragged up I am."

"She just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but I sped up. Does that make me a bad person?"

"I am about to get in a knife fight over an Energon Gummy."

"I feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip" ((To Thunder))

"Thank god dogs can't talk. They see way too much."

"After a certain High Grade level, the dog is in charge."


I... found a couple I find funny as hell but may be inappropriate >.>

SPOILER: Click to show

Spoiler
"It wasn't random sex though; it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex."

"Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style."

[Deleted]

As brought to you by Catherine (917):

---
(917): he's convinced he's a cat and he's trying to jump out the window to prove he can land on his feet.

(91): omg are you stopping him!?

(917): im a believer in the 'trial and error' teaching methodology

(91): thats fucked up Cat

(917): relax, he missed the window and ran into the wall

---

(917): im out with my cousin and her prison gf just met her old bf and long story short, dude got a shot glass shoved in his face and ended up shakin the girl's hand and now he's buying us all shots

(917): none of my relationships are this successful wtf



(917): he's fine, btw, he's calling himself scarface

---

(917): do you ever just have an out of body experience and get pissed when you realize how much money you arent making from your Lifetime Movie of a life?

---

(917): STRANGER DANGER
(917): STRANGER DANGER CREEPIN ON ME
(917): HE FOLLOWED ME TO THE BATHROOM
(917): WHAT SHOULD I DO HELP OMG

(917): NVM I MADE A SHANK AND SCARED THE PISS OUT OF HIM
(917): LOL SNAPCHAT BITCH

---

(917): LAYBY I THINK I KILLED SOMEONE.
(917): I NEED YOU TO HELP ME BRIDGE THE BODY.
(917): DONT TELL CLEGEVER
(917): N O WAiT ASK HETR FOR soLEVENT


(917): neEVER MIND He mOVED
(917): HE'S BReTHINg!!!

(917): BRIDGE ME BACK THO

---
<< To Layby >>

(917): someone passed out at the bar while you were out
(917): before you say anything the mustache was on his face when i got there
(917): i take full credit for the dicks tho

---

(917): i dont understand why you think buying pallets of coffee means i have a problem

[Deleted]

Endymion? Drunk? Essentially he's just a big doofus.

Comms about Endymion:
941:: 'you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins'

613:: 'You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"'

774:: 'He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".'

Comms from Endymion:
352:: 'i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE'

505:: 'Thank you for holding my energon while that vehicon let me ride on his alt-mode into the sky.'

724:: 'also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.'

And one last NSFW:

SPOILER: Click to show

Spoiler
306:: 'when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.'

[Deleted]

Blue numbers are Tailgate's texts.

(915):

I told you I was good to drive

(1-915):

dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate



(440):

The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"



(508):

awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my recharge slab and on surrounding floor. explanation?

(1-508):

you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.


(305):

i made the cop-bot pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.

[Deleted]

Some for Deuce!

(61):
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed

(704):
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is

(801):
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance

(410):
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp

(573):
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.

(204):
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.

(949):
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many conservative friends, id consider going into politics

(805):
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my friend and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.



And this is a text I'm sure will be sent about Deuce at some point in the future:

(408):
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.

[Deleted]

Ladies and gentlemen, drunk Sarita. Because she's Oregonian, I've decided to use texts from that category.

To Deuce:

(503): I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now // (503): Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea

(503): This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again." Finding that toy duck there was weird right?

(503): I swear to god I can explain the candy wrappers in your cockpit. The fire not so much


To Layby:

(503): I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him. // (503): At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men

(503): Still breathing? Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.

(503): Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took a dump on your doormat...

[Deleted]

Some more for Thunder - This time the theme is Punching, because of course it is.


“I hope you're sleeping good cuz when you wake up I'm punching you square in the face.”

“I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is”

“I punched some guy in the face for being an a**hole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?”

"I keep replaying things I did last night. And remembering new things. It's a constant cycle of torture."

“The back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the frag did I write that?”

"Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand."

"I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face."

“I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.”

“I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist”

"You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple roommate etiquette."

“You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working.”

"Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some ground-pounders, and step up when I punch someone in the face.”

“I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.”

“No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your rotors in your sleep.”

“He threw me a cube and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Carbine giveth, and Carbine taketh away". WTF”

“WHY IN THE FRAG DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH DUSK? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!”

[Deleted]

[Deleted]

(630): "I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night."

- B-Dump, after asking Layby for the strongest thing a Cybertronian could possibly handle without permanent damage