We are a literate, intermediate to advanced AU Transformers RPG Based off of the first season of TFP with dashes of other incarnations sprinkled here or there. Characters from any continuity are welcome however must be restyled to match the TFPrime universe.
Active, with ongoing plotlines, we are always willing to integrate new characters into storylines once incorporated into the setting.
Jazz felt like they were having two different conversations. Always a sign that he was really, really off in his read of the other mechanism.
He hadn't felt so out of his depth on something so important in a long time. He actually debated whether or not he should comm someone who knew her better. Speaking of...
"It can't be? Why not? Home is where your friends are. And you have FRIENDS here, Shadow. I guarantee that Ironhide is about three steps from adopting you into the cohort. I haven't seen him take to anyone like this since we found Bluestreak. Who ALSO cares about you. And Bee, too. Forget me, if you want, but THEY care about you a whole lot, and THEY want you to be happy, Shadow." Jazz turned up a hand in helpless confusion, noticed the glue dispenser still in it, and subspaced it. "They're here for you. Why can't this be home?"
"Home is where your friends are. And you have FRIENDS here, Shadow."
It was true; it shouldn't be, and she'd fought it every step of the way, but it was true. Shadow flinched at every name, every weak point, unable to meet Jazz's optics, equally unable to tell him he was wrong.
"It shouldn't be," she finally managed, staring at her clenched fists. "Do you think I don't know none of this should have happened? Do you think I don't realize I shouldn't even be here?"
Last Edit: Mar 24, 2012 21:43:26 GMT -5 by Deleted
Jazz was almost relieved. This...survivors' guilt...THIS he had experience with. THIS he understood.
He still probably wasn't the best mech in the universe to deal with it, but he at least had a bit of a map. A bit. He had no illusions that there still wasn't a slagging TON of baggage wrapped up in Shadow's responses, but this...this was a start.
Jazz slowly, carefully took back the step he'd retreated, his hands reaching out for Shadow's, gathering them together and his fingers sliding between hers, interlacing and holding tight. He kept his voice soft, his field warm and supportive and genuine: worry and care and the beginnings of very real affection. "Shadow, no. I want you to listen to me, ok? I want you to forget whatever anyone else told you about how you SHOULD feel or do now. I want you not to listen to the voice in your head telling you you're not worthy. Listen to ME. All right?"
He leaned in, tipping his helm up the bare inches she had on him to press his forehelm against hers, his field expanding gently to brush against her own and thrumming with the sincerity of his words. "You deserve to be here. You SHOULD be here. I will tell you that until you believe it. You did the right thing, surviving. And if you ever start worrying that you didn't, I want you to promise me that you'll go talk to Hide, or Blue or Bee or me. Prime, Ratchet, SOMEONE. We CARE about you. We're HERE for you. We want YOU to be here." acceptance-warmth-friendship-affection-cohort-belonging-support-stay here-please-stay here with us
Listen to me. No matter how Jazz phrased it, that was an order, and Shadow couldn't ignore it, even if it conflicted with something much older and far, far more deeply ingrained. She shivered with the effort of not pulling away, not telling him he didn't understand, her hands convulsively gripping his.
She couldn't defy him, but what he was asking...she couldn't simply forget the stricture of no ties and this is your world, everything you need, right here. Her world, her cohort, all of them gone and no allowance made for that world to change or expand, no allowance for the new ties which had crept in (ties that she had wanted, ties she had never expected to be caught in, each one stinging now with guilt/failure/defiance/disobedience).
Listen to ME.
She was listening, but she couldn't obey, fresh failure layered over existing failures. "I'm sorry." The words came out in a sharp edged keen and a tangle of guilt-shame-pain-disgrace-failure--fearfearfear-pleading-panic-desperation. "I can't. I'm sorry."
Jazz tightened his grip on her hands as that wash of negative emotions poured over his field.
THAT was not just survivors' guilt. THAT was something much deeper. Much worse. Something he bet had a name that started with "Labyrinth".
Damn you to the Pit. If you weren't dead, I'd kill you myself. Plate. By. Plate.
He was so out of his league. SO out of his league. He didn't know what to do.
What would Optimus do?
No, that wasn't the way to do this. He had no clue what Optimus would do in this situation. He'd, in fact, already DONE what he thought Optimus would do.
No, Optimus would be just as lost as Jazz was. But someone else had already dealt with this, in part.... So the correct question was, What would Ironhide do?
That was easy.
Jazz stepped in, throwing his field around her like a cloak of acceptance, arms slipping around her frame to hug her, pull her close. His engine couldn't make the same low, rumbling pitch that Ironhide's could, but his vocalizer could. He let that rumble that Ironhide always used to soothe upset sparklings, distraught cohortmates, grieving friends, pour from his vocalizer, felt it resonate through both of them.
He stroked a hand down the back of Shadow's neck. "It's all right. What you're feeling, what you want is FINE. It's all right, Shadow. It will be fine. I'm not mad. No one's angry with you. Don't be afraid. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you. It's all right...." Gentle reassurance poured through his words, intertwined like supporting hands, his glyphs whispering soothingly, projecting safe-secure-rightness-support-affection.
Last Edit: Mar 25, 2012 20:17:05 GMT -5 by Deleted
The deep rumble Jazz produced wasn't a perfect match for the sound Ironhide made - she had absorbed that sound, encoded it as safety/comfort so deep into her systems that she couldn't have disentangled from it if she wanted to, and this wasn't quite the same - but it was close enough to short circuit the panic spiraling through her. Shadow felt her systems unlock, slowly, one by one, under sound and vibration and touch.
She was leaning into Jazz's embrace, reacting with the same sort of helpless instinct to seek comfort that Ironhide produced in her. She wanted to trust him, she realized. He was Ironhide's cohort, and Hide trusted him, and she wanted...
She wanted things to be all right.
He wasn't angry; that, at least, she believed. She even believed he was sorry, though that had been her failing, her inability to properly prioritize. He was her commander and he was Ironhide's cohort, and that meant there was truly nothing he couldn't take from her. She...would do better, would learn to obey him even when he contradicted Labyrinth.
And right now what he wanted was for her to calm down.
She cycled her vents and focused on the ways he reminded her of Hide, the reassurance of his words and the gentle warmth of his field. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I shouldn't have fallen apart like that."
That she calmed was good. The way it happened, the speed of it, the experience with suppressing responses that it demonstrated, was less encouraging. But Jazz would take what he could get and work with the rest.
He didn't let go, hand stroking over her back. He wasn't big enough to curl AROUND her like Ironhide would, but this would have to do. And Primus, her APOLOGIZING.... He throttled down his own response to that and just continued pressing Ironhide-levels of reassurance-care-cohort at her.
"Psh, sure you shoulda. How else're we gonna know you're upset if you don't?" He pulled back a bit, forehelm pressing to hers again. "It's okay. It's okay to be upset. It's okay to come to one of us for support when it gets too much. We WANT you to." His "we" was underlined with mild modifiers for "Autobots", but most heavily with those for "your cohort".
They obviously were going to have their work cut out for them in putting Shadow back together, but hey...that's what cohort was for.
~FIN
Last Edit: Mar 26, 2012 20:18:26 GMT -5 by Deleted