Ep1 - 'Shut Up and Drive' - Closed

[Deleted]

He had shot Megatron.

Repeat, he had shot Megatron.

His pistol fire splashed across the warlord's face, lacing his cheek. Still that was something Zoom-Zoom never expected to achieve and quite frankly? Had never wanted.

Because being in a situation in which shooting Megatron was an option meant that the Decepticon had to be close enough to shoot him back.

Megatron, thankfully did not shoot him. But then again, he did the next worst thing which was to raise his fusion cannon and shoot the roof of the fragging cave.

Zoom-Zoom's optics widened in horror as he curled up to protect himself, shoulder jolting in pain. A cannon shot would be quick and (relatively) painless. A cave-in?

With a thunderous protest, the world above Zoom-Zoom's head collapsed down upon him. His one good arm thrown haphazardly over his helm, Zoom-Zoom head was struck hard by falling rocks. He tried bracing himself, his audials ringing as everything came crashing down, pelting his small frame. A boulder smacked into his shoulder, overbalancing him, his good arm flailing out as another boulder came down hard on his leg. He couldn’t retrieve his leg, it was trapped underneath the boulder and, before he knew it, his free arm was pinned as well. The minibot simply shut his optics and waited for all of it to end.

But that wasn't the worst of it, no. As the rock head collapsed, it started burying him. It wasn't long before even his head was covered, the weight suffocatingly pressing down on him.

I'm not dead. Zoom-Zoom marvelled. I'm still alive.

One leg was bent at an odd angle, Zoom-Zoom ruthlessly cut the feedback from those sensors. His right arm, the good one, probably was matching his slagged one now. It was trapped somewhere above his helm. His frame was a massive collection of aches and pain but he ignored it all as he briefly celebrated his continued survival. Pain, after all, was just a sign that your internal sensors were working for once.

I'm alive! I'm alive! I'm alive-!

Then Zoom-Zoom heard it.

Rocks being lifted.

Megatron was digging him up to check that the deed was done.

-I'm aliiiive, scratch that I'm dead. I'm so dead. I'm so very, very dead.

Dear Primus, he wasn't even anyone significant. Megatron should have continued on his merry way of death and destruction somewhere else. Why the frag was he still holding the warlord's attention?

I am the deadest minibot ever. So dead. So very, very dead. In fact- an idea sparked -I'm going to be the deadest dead thing ever.

Zoom-Zoom's dampeners were still going, shielding his spark signal. The minibot activated his nannite reconfiguration system, swapping out his camo red for...grey.

Grey is the best colour ever. Good for night camo, urban camo aaaand the absolute best for playing dead.

One greyed out frame. Check. No spark signal. Check. Optics off. Check. Zoom-Zoom cut all his motor control to his frame as well. One limp, lifeless frame. Check. And it was a good thing too because at some point, Megatron ended up standing on his one good arm, thus officially pushing it out of the good arm category and into the very busted and should see Ratchet category.

Thankfully, the dictator seemed to buy the act. Zoom-Zoom was one very convincing dead minibot currently. It wasn't long before Zoom-Zoom heard the roar of a jet engine.

He's gone.

The minibot didn't move. Instead he waited. And waited. What if the warlord was still keeping watch on him but from a distance? It seemed unlikely, given what he knew of Megatron's impatience but Zoom-Zoom was not willing to stake his life on the off-chance the warlord was still around, given that he'd already come so close to losing it.

Eventually, when he was satisfied he was no longer under observation, Zoom-Zoom stirred. He restored motor control to all his limbs. His right servo was no longer responding but he still had mobility in the shoulder and elbow joint, enough to weakly push away the rocks covering his head. The minibot tried flexing the rest of his body to see how stuck he was. His left leg was still pinned and he didn't think he'd be able to remove the boulder weighing it down.

::Zoom-Zoom to Omega base:: Zoom-Zoom activated his comms at last. ::Need a little help here. Ran into a bit of a problem.::

[Deleted]

It took a while, but eventually a reply penetrated the layers of pulverized rock and rubble.

”I read you, Zoom–Zoom.” It was Ratchet, crisp and steady. ”Stand by, I’m sending two of our Bots to your location. Judging by the signal interference I’m guessing you’re currently underground. Do you have any injuries?”

Sure enough, the distant sound of an activated ground bridge echoed down the cavern an instant later. It whooshed shut, replaced by voices that rang in the darkness.

One of them was familiar.

“– never reinstalled the software after the rebuild.” Fortress Maximus’ deep voice rumbled against the rock. His heavy footfalls reverberated along the silt floor. “Just the targeting program for the guns, due to the fact that they’re more awkward to manually aim and inclined to waste ammo.”

“Yeah, I get that,” said the second voice. It was unfamiliar, but cheerful. “I admit, I’d rather just overclock and run the software, and then put the space towards cooling units myself. But I understand why you wouldn’t want to go with that kind of a rig. It can be pretty shaky at times. Holy crap.”

Footsteps jogged forward in the dark. A light spilt across Zoom–Zoom where he lay in the rubble. At the other end of it loomed an anxious face as a strange Autobot peered down at him, his hand to the side of his head. A small small unit beneath his fingertips acted as a miner’s headlamp, directing a beam of light across the minibot’s battered body.

“Found him!” he said. “Primus, you don’t look good. Zoom–Zoom, isn’t it? Hang on, we’ll dig you out of here in a sec. Are you damaged? Anything we should know about before we start shifting this debris off you?”

[Deleted]

Some mecha, after a life and death experience might re-evaluate themselves and their life choices. They might resolve to be a better mech and make peace with their fellow Cybertronian.

Zoom-Zoom glared balefully at the face peering down at him. He'd heard the cheerful tone from before and it had immediately aggravated his already dark mood. "Oh it's you," this wasn't actually directed at the face above him but he'd heard Sir Stomp A Lot somewhere in the background. "Both arms are slagged and so is my left leg. But I'm just fine, really. Any chance you mecha could travel back in time to a few kliks ago so you could hold Megatron still while I shoot him again in the face?"

[Deleted]

The Autobot looking down at Zoom-Zoom stared.

"What did he say?" said Maximus.

Dazed, the Autobot shook his head like he had water in it.

"He said that he encountered Megatron," said Wash faintly. "And shot him in the face. And somehow managed to survive thanks to the power of you know what, I don't even know. Most people who take pot-shots at Megatron end up a bloody mist."

"Ha!"

Heavy footsteps stomped closer. A moment later Fortress Maximus loomed into the light of Wash's head lamp, throwing a giant shadow against the cave wall behind him. The big mech looked irritable.

"I don't believe it," said Maximus. He narrowed his red optics. "Something must be embellished. Are you telling me that you came face to face with the Decepticon overlord and survived?"

Wash opened his mouth.

He shut it.

He shot a strange look at Maximus from over his shoulder, one brow raised.

"Uh, what was that you said just now, Max?" he said.

"The Decepticon warlord. What?" said Maximus with a scowl when Wash only stared at him.

"Nothing! Nothing. Just checking. Anyway..."

Wash shook his head and reached down to lift a slab of rock from the minibot's leg. Immediately some of the pressure eased off the crushed limb.

"We'll get you clear in a minute," he said. "Maximus, could you give me a hand with this? In the meantime, Zoom-Zoom, maybe you could tell us the story of how you found yourself face to face with Megatron in a cavern in the middle of nowhere?"

[Deleted]

Zoom-Zoom did not appreciate his harrowing experience getting dismissed immediately out of hand by Sir Stomp A Lot. "Embellished?" he sneered. "The arm that took a shot from a fragging fusion cannon begs to differ. Besides, Sir Bristling With Weapons All Over, survived you, didn't I?"

The minibot, unlike Wash, did not have the smarts to keep his vocalizer off when it was necessary. He'd put two and two together, came up with four and was so pleased with his deduction that he didn't bother thinking about the full (horrible) implications of the answer. Any chance to point out Fort Max's mistakes was an opportunity not to be passed up.

"Nah, Sir Stompers. You totally said Overlord first, not warlord," he corrected without a thought. "Sure you're not glitching over there? As for the story, it basically boils down to 'mystery signal in the middle of nowhere' and 'Megatron likes to go for long walks in the moonlight.'"

[Deleted]

Only Wash's reflexes stopped Maximus' fist from pile-driving into the minibot's face.

"Fort Max, no!" he gasped. "We're all Autobots here! Autobots!"

Maximus did not reply. His red optics bored into Zoom-Zoom's through the settling dust cloud.

"You know what?" he said through grit teeth. "I don't need to be here."

He ripped his fist from the crater he'd punched into the rubble next to Zoom-Zoom's head and stood upright, dust showering off his broad shoulders and tank treads. Without a further word the big mech turned and stalked back down the cavern, his footfalls shaking the rock floor. Wash winced when he heard a distant stalactite smash apart beneath his wrath.

"Well," he said. "Er... I hope you aren't in in any rush to get out of here, ZZ. Because I'm not going to be digging you out too quickly with a gimpy arm."

His expression wry, Wash gingerly shook out his forearm. He had used it to ward off the punch, deflecting it into the rubble. The armour was fine but every diode from his knuckles to his shoulder had gone dead from the impact. He could barely feel his fingers. Even worse, his spark was hammering in his chassis. Wash clutched his chest and let out a shaky breath.

"Whew!" he said. With his good arm he thrust another chunk of rock off the minibot before he knelt to dig in earnest. "That was exciting. You really don't have much of a brain core to mouth filter, do you? But never mind. I believe what you said. Megatron may very well have set up that signal as a trap. Or perhaps he was examining a potential energon mine. You survived the encounter. That's what matters."

[Deleted]

On account of being trapped and his frame half busted, Zoom-Zoom had watched helplessly as that fist had descend towards his face. Thankfully, Scarred to the Pits and back had intercepted the blow and managed to get the big mech to back off as well.

"Trust me, I'm in no hurry to go anywhere," the minibot remarked nonchalantly, examining all those damage reports he'd ignored during the chase and subsequent cave-in. "See, Sir Stomp A Lot and I? We have this thing about meeting after something really big and really terrifying has almost just killed me. By that point, my fear circuits have all been burnt out so it's really hard to appreciate Stompers in his full, scary magnificence. Maybe one cycle, I'll cower in terror of his bad moods and immediate disposition to extreme violence but you know what? Right, now I really don't care. I'm alive. Frag that."

Soon as enough of Zoom-Zoom's upper torso was free, he allowed it to flop strutlessly backwards. Lying down was nice, the minibot reflected. In fact, if he didn't have to move anywhere anytime, he'd be remarkable okay with that. "I don't think Megajerk was expecting to run into anyone. I picked his emissions trail by chance, ain't no way he deliberately picked to fly over me. And if there's an energon mine somewhere around here, well, I'm not sensing anything. How bout you, Scars?"

[Deleted]

Startled, Wash stopped in the middle of pushing aside debris and looked down at his own chassis. It really was rather scarred, despite the neat blue coat of paint.

"That's a good question," he said. "I suppose it could be argued that a thick enough layer of rock could defeat our scanners and prevent us from detecting trace energon that was buried deep enough... but then the same could be said of Megatron's scanners as well. Let me give it a try myself."

With a thoughtful frown Wash sat back on his heels. He touched his head and focused his sensors. But all they reflected back to him were the waves of their own passive scanners, mingled with a pair of electromagnetic fields that were distinctly Cybertronian in origin. Nothing else.

"No, I'm not sensing anything either," he said. "Well. Chalk it up to random bad luck then, I guess. Wrong place at the wrong time."

He laughed and reached out to grasp Zoom-Zoom's hand and help pull him to his feet, gently, mindful of the minibot's injuries.

"Let's get out of here," he said. "We didn't pick up on any sign of Megatron when we arrived, but, er... I see no point in pressing our luck. And I'm sure Ratchet would be delighted to see you in the medical bay as soon as possible. I hope you'll tell him who presumably collapsed this cave in on you. Oh, please tell him. While I'm standing in the same room."

[Deleted]

"Yeah, this tends to be the way my luck turns out," Zoom-Zoom remarked, unsurprised by the result. No energon, just Megatron doing whatever the slag he was doing out here and the minibot the unfortunate Autobot that had stumbled upon him.

One leg took Zoom-Zoom's weight. The other...didn't. It was also bent at an angle Zoom-Zoom was certain legs weren't supposed to bent at. He threw an arm round Wash's waist, because frag if he could reach his shoulders. Whilst his right servo actually couldn't do any fine motor controls, his arm could still hook around objects. Zoom-Zoom's left arm remained dead weight by his side.

With a lot of staggering -and pain, but Zoom-Zoom had this thing about not listening to those receptors-they set off down the passageway. "Sure Scars," the minibot said woozily. "You can come along to see Ratchet. So long as we see him sometime soon. Otherwise, in the mean time, I'm just gonna fantasize about his med-berths. And his face. All of him, really. He has such fantastic servos, you know?"

[Deleted]

Wash opened his mouth. Shut it. Opened it again.

"Nope," he finally declared. "Nope, I'm not gonna touch that one. Nope. Not even for a million shanix. I spend far too much time around Ratchet to ever want to encourage those kinds of mental images about him. Or his hands."

With his arm looped under Zoom-Zoom's good arm, Wash did his best to support the injured bot's slack weight when he stumbled. Luckily the size difference between them made it easier for him to manage, if awkward. With some effort Wash turned them both around, until they were facing the rest of the cavern. He guided the minbot forward through the rubble, picking the clearest path.

"Anyway, you're beginning to sound a little loopy, friend," he said. "I think your processor got rattled in the cave in. Let's get you to the medbay, stat. Oi, Ratchet!"

With two fingers pressed to the side of his head Wash opened up his comm line. "Got a patient here for you, Doc! Could you please open a ground bridge for us, located from my coordinates?"

A portal obediently blossomed in front of them, lighting up the cavern in green light. With a nudge Wash began to limp them both towards it, his pace slow and steady.

[Deleted]

In pain but definitely not loopy, Zoom-Zoom grasped the meaning of Wash's words immediately. He levelled a glare, ineffective as he was half mashed to the other mech's side as they walked (stumbled).

"Scars," he stated as they staggered through the groundbridge. He'd have thrust a finger into Wash's scratched chest plate if, you know, either of his servos were working. "Let me tell you something. If you're a minibot whose dragged yourself from one aft end of the galaxy to the other for a few thousand vorn and performed all kinds of dubious medical maintainence on yourself, you'd be as glad as I am whenever you see a medic who knows what they're doing. Ratchet's a great medbot and I'm offended to hear you think otherwise. Isn't that right, Ratchet?"

[Deleted]

"What in the name of Primus is this?" cried Ratchet.

The medic had been waiting patiently for them at the other end of the ground bridge, his hand on the control lever. When he caught sight of Zoom-Zoom's battered and dusty frame his optics widened.

"Again?" he said. "Again? Didn't I just usher you clean and whole from my medbay less than a week ago? What happened to you this time? What was the problem you ran into? And where is Fortress? How did you manage to lose an entire frontliner?"

"Fort Max is staying behind to secure the area," lied Wash easily. "As for Zoom-Zoom, well, I guess he's just a fan of your magic hands, Doc."

"My what? No, don't answer that. Bring him this way. We'll walk and talk en route to the medbay. Zoom-Zoom, please, give me a report as we escort you there. Believe me when I say I'm all audials."

[Deleted]

Ratchet's scolding flew over Zoom-Zoom's head. The minibot was more focused on the whole promise of health and fixing Ratchet represented. He was also focused on that whole walking straight thing, using Wash as a convenient handhold and guide.

"Well," the minibot began slowly, mentally compiling the night's events. "I went for a really long drive today. Picked up some odd readings, thought I'd investigate, being Specs Ops and all, you know? Found Megatron instead. We had a disagreement over our respective ideologies and shots were exchanged. One of us took more damage than the other."

Zoom-Zoom stumbled, but a pair of servos were quick to correct him. As he straightened, his gaze locked onto Ratchet's form. He continued on immediately, not giving time for the weight of his previous words to sink in. "I need a better gun," he said clearly and seriously. Viciously. "Something like-an acid pellet pistol. So that the next time I have to shoot someone in the fragging face, it'll give them more than just a score mark to remember me by. Wheeljack can build me one and you'll install it right, Ratchet?"

"And another thing," Zoom-Zoom would have tightened his grip on Wash and squeezed to show how serious he was about this. "I know the circumstances I rocked up onto this planet on were less than ideal. But you've gotta loosen some of those restrictions and at least let me carry something other than my blades in my subspace. I really could have done with a good grenade back there."

Piece said, the minibot's head dropped down. "Oh, and by the way, Ratchet? I also learnt that Scars here thinks you're ugly." Wash had been great and all, digging him out, stopping Sir Stompers 'n all, helping him through the groundbridge and down to the medbay. But Zoom-Zoom's fondness for mecha of the medical kind simply outweighed all the good Wash had done.

[Deleted]

“It’s true, Doc,” said Wash gravely. “Your face distresses me. The only way I can look at it is through a box with a little hole in it.”

Ratchet snorted.

“So, you had an encounter with Megatron, did you?” he said. As they stepped into the medical bay he gestured at a berth. Wash obediently aided Zoom–Zoom towards it as the medic continued to speak. “Welcome to Team Prime. Everyone comes up against him sooner or later. If they’re lucky, it’s with backup nearby. That you ran into him on your own makes me question the wisdom of one–bot patrols.”

With a handheld scanner in place Ratchet turned back to the berth. His expression was grave.

“Still, you did well to escape from him,“ he said. ”Not to dismiss any high expectations you may have of your combat abilities, but that is typically the best that anyone who isn’t named Optimus usually manages to accomplish against him. Still, I’ll consider your request to install a stronger pistol in your integrated weapons systems. Anything that Wheeljack builds for personal installation must be inspected by me first, but if it tests clean I’ll see what I can do. As for the grenades...”

“Ask Red Alert,” said Wash with a laugh.

“Indeed. Clear it with Red Alert first. He may insist on testing your demolitions training first, which is a measure I highly endorse before releasing anyone into the field armed with an explosive anti–personnel device. Ugh. What ugly damage that produces.”

[Deleted]

"Wasn't on patrol," Zoom-Zoom muttered mulishly as he settled on the berth. Whether by accident or intention, it was the same one he'd spent a lot of time on only a week ago. "Red Alert released me for once, I took a road trip. Wanted to test out these new wheels properly. And yeah, surviving the worse the universe has to offer. I'm good at that."

He brightened when Ratchet told him his request for a better weapon would be considered. Then quickly dimmed when the medic went on and turned down the other request.

"Like that's ever going to happen," the minibot scoffed. "Who do you think banned me from using them in the first place and then inspects my subspace at surprise intervals? I know how to use 'em, my squad leader was -is- a qualified demolitions expert and taught us everything there is to know about how to handle explosives. Wouldn't let us go on missions if we didn't."