House of (crack) apps

[Deleted]

Look at our mod team. I think they're fantastic, don't you think so too? Occasionally I send them apps because I'm bribing them to not kick me off the boards for my craziness I think they're so amazing they need some more love.

Ahem. By modly demand, this app had to be delivered by space unicorn. And so it was, by a random one I borrowed from the space herd that lives in the mystical place on the Internet known as Google Images and which most definitely does not belong to yours truly.



Name: The Giant Purple Griffin or GPG
Age (or human equivalent): The GPG is timeless. It is constant. It just is.
Gender (or human equivalent): Gender is irrelevant to the GPG. Wait. Is fabulous a gender? Because then the GPG’s gender is fabulous.
Species: Giant Purple Griffinous fabulousa
Faction: Marvellous Decepticon
Original Occupation: Megatron’s dream ambition
Occupation/Specialization: The Giant Purple Griffin’s occupation is being fabulous. It has a degree in it. Has been trained it. Was born to it. It just is naturally talented.

Appearance/Altmode: The Giant Purple Griffin looks like a giant mechanical griffin. It has a fantastic mane, maintained by the finest hair products.



History: The Giant Purple Griffin used to be a dream that existed only within Megatron’s processor when he was young and naive. Then Megatron rebelled against the caste system, became a tyrant and was finally able to accomplish his dreams and make the Giant Purple Griffin a reality.

Personality: Just absolutely fabulous.
Likes: Megatron, Decepticons, being fabulous
Dislikes: Autobots


Strengths/Weapons:
Giant Purple Griffin: The GPG is a weapon unto itself
Fabulous: No one can stand up to such a fantastic creation.

Weaknesses:
The GPG has no weakness.


Special skills (that are not weapon related):
Dat mane: it’s absolutely marvellous. Everyone should have a mane like dat but they don’t. So they’re all jealous.

Extra Info: You know you want this character in your RP. It is just too amazing not to be in there.

[Deleted]

This reminds me of a game we used to play on another board. We'd post a pic of some random vehicle (usually outlandish as heck) and everyone would try to make a character for it. Turned into a contest. I think Shockwave's mun won by making up a Autobot femme named Bertha for a old, pink Cadillac.

[Deleted]

Bertha the Brickhouse! XD And then there was the app for the parasitic fighter... and the coal miner...

[Deleted]

-Character Info-

Name: Technodrome

Age (or human equivalent): The technodrome is infinite in its majesty

Gender (or human equivalent): What is this gender you speak off? The technodrome has no concept of it

Species: Cybertronian

Faction: Decepticon

Original Occupation: Death machine

Occupation/Specialization: Mobile defense fortress

Appearance/Altmode: The technodrome is a magnificent and massive sphere bristling with all sorts of unmentionable weaponry set atop a pair of treads. It has one very large eye on top of the sphere, all the better to see you with my dear.



History: The technodrome is a glorious relic from a by-gone area. More specifically, it is was built by the Quintessons during their attempted conquest of Cybertron. During the ensuing battles, the technodrome was captured by Cybertronian forces and was never decommissioned, rather it was converted to serve Cybertron instead. Since then, it has remained the property of Cybertron's armed forces and when the civil war broke up, was incorporated into the Decepticon army.

Personality: The technodrome desires one thing only. Death.


Likes: Death. Explosions. Weird little pink alien blobs. Evil ninja overlords in spiky suits of armour.
Dislikes: Life. Mutated adolescent terrapins



Strengths/Weapons:

· Transdimensional portal.
· Eyeball missile launchers
· 5 trident-shaped laser cannons: two located at the top of the Technodrome at each side of the eye, two on its sides, and one on its front
· 2 large laser cannons that can be deployed with multiple eyeball missile racks
· A mounted surveillance eye on the top
· Three-foot-thick titanium armour
· Huge tank treads, used to move the Technodrome across land or underground from each location.
· Robot-walker legs that can be used instead of tank treads
· Gigantic saw blades and cutting devices
· Large holding cells
· Earthquake machine
· Various drilling mechanisms
· Motor pool area that houses other vehicles
· Trap Door in the center of the main control room
· Starfighter deck housing smaller aircraft
· With powerful enough engine, can travel into outer space
· Anti-gravitation generators making the technodrome able to hover slightly above the ground
· Disintegrator Unit
· Escape pods
· a "war room" with various robotic sentries


Weaknesses:
Terrible fuel efficiency. In fact, the technodrome spends most of its time completely unoperational due to lack of sufficient fuel. And it usually runs out in an extremely inconvenient location. See: volcanoes, Earth's core, bottom of the ocean, alternate dimensions, black holes.


Special skills (that are not weapon related):
Stare of DOOM
Big, bad and intimidating but mostly useless

Extra Info:
It’s been a while, mods. I thought you were in need of some entertainment.

[Deleted]

I live in the eternal disappointment that this app did not make it through. My brilliant plan was to spam the mod inbox with enough crack apps in the hopes that one would slip through the cracks. This one did get close but unfortunately, it's almost like the mods are on to me. I have no idea how that could have happened.


-Character Info-

Name: Metal Gear RAY

Age (or human equivalent): 9 years old

Gender (or human equivalent): None

Species: Metal Gear

Faction: MECH

Original Occupation: Anti- Metal Gear, ultimate weapon

Occupation/Specialization: MECH Anti-Cybertronian countermeasure

Appearance/Altmode: Twenty-two foot tall kick-ass amphibious bipedal tank.



History: Metal Gear REX was developed by ARMSTECH back in 2005. It exploited a loophole in anti-nuke treaties as it did not fire ballistic missiles, instead employing a railgun to launch WMDs. When Ocelot leaked the designs for Metal Gear REX onto the black-market, the USMC designed Metal Gear RAY in secret. RAY is an anti-Metal Gear Metal Gear basically, designed for hunting down the many Metal Gear REX derivatives that were being built around the world. The prototype Metal Gear RAY can be operated by a single pilot, the final mass produced versions are unmanned and capable of independent combat.

MECH was able to salvage one Metal Gear RAY from the Big Shell incident and incorporated it into their forces as an anti-Cybertronian countermeasure.

Personality: Think giant robotic dinosaur puppy.

Likes: USMC, MECH, water, Liquid Snake, Ocelot, or maybe that’s Liquid Ocelot

Dislikes: Nukes, Metal Gear REX, crazy child soldiers that get turned into cyborg ninjas, snakes, stinger missiles, child soldiers before they get turned into cyborg ninjas, non-cyborgs armed with stinger missiles, REX’s Street Fighter program, Philanthropy, Cybertronians


Strengths/Weapons:

Primary weapon- water cutter. Water is expelled from an internal tank in a narrow stream under extremely high pressure. This cutter is very powerful and able to slice through just about everything

Back mounted missile pod- fires cluster bombs and homing missiles

Gatling gun pods

Knee mounted missile pods – for ground based targets

Armor – ceramic-titanium alloy that defends against light to medium projectiles

Water-based vehicle – RAY is versatile and deadly whether on land or water

Streamline shape– helps deflect bullets and allows for greater maneuverability

Artificial muscle tissue – instead of relying on hydraulics, RAY’s interior workings are more organic based. This gives RAY its impressive maneuverability and agility.

Nanomachine recovery- RAY utilizes nanopaste, a blood like substance which is secreted and coagulates wherever RAY takes damage

Weaknesses:

Stinger missiles – despite being touted as an engineering marvel and the countermeasure to what has been touted as the Ultimate Weapon, Metal Gear RAY shares Metal Gear REX’s weakness to stinger missiles. Why, a single man on foot could kill 23 RAYs unaided if he had enough stinger missiles.

Snakes – Even old and dying from accelerated aging, Snakes are capable of taking down RAY, if armed with a damaged Metal Gear REXs running its Street Fighter subroutine. REX. As in the very thing RAY is designed to destroy.

New tech ain’t as good as old tech – See above

High frequency blades – HF blades are more than capable of slicing through RAY’s armor.

Cyborg ninjas/samurai – tend to regard RAY more as a minor annoyance than any real threat. Helps that they are usually armed with HF blades


(For Raiden, this is just another Tuesday)

Special skills:

Swimming like a boss and not like a giant metal robot

Looking exceptionally kick-ass

Convenient escape vehicle

Rescues Harrier jets like a great big puppy

[Deleted]

Just casually
leaves these here.