Ep. 1.5 - A Friendly Raid (Closed)

[Deleted]

(Kickback and Soledad in cyberspace. Set perhaps a day or two after Kickback has been awakened. - OOC)

He couldn't believe it.

It was enough to make him want to pull out his antennae with all four hands. Not only were the Eradicons loafing about, they were spending their time immersing into the native culture through network gaming. Why couldn't they spend their time doing something productive, like weapons training or even going outside to enjoy the solar radiation and fresh air?

He assumed Soundwave had things under control. Had the Eradicons been under his watch, things would have been quite different. Fraternizing and communications with natives and potentially the enemy would have been left to those better trained in intelligence or counterintelligence.

Did Megatron know of this? Would he care? Kickback quickly weighed options in his mind, sifting and sorting, pushing data against potential response, known factors, unknown factors. He wished that he had an information network already established, so that he could trace the lines of connection between one target to the next, and know how to pull the right string on each and every puppet to produce the desired effect.

It would be a long road to establishing safety and efficacy on an alien world, but he was already formulating a strategy to make it happen.

Hunched over a computer terminal that was intended for someone half his size, Kickback accessed what the natives called the "internet", following after links and resources most frequenly used by the Eradicons. A particular human 'MMO' was one of the most heavily used. The graphics were crude and garish to his optics, and he steeled himself to immerse into an activity that he could in no way imagine would be enjoyable.

Creating an entry-level character under the name "Foucault", Kickback respirated through his spiracles and logged onto the game's guild forums, scanning through messages exchanged between the various Eradicon members.

With the resigned hestitation of a child placed in front of a plate of steamed brussel sprouts and told to eat, he began typing out a request for assistance in learning the game, using the specialized vernacular he had acquired from studying popular internet sources.

----[ Chat Window ]--------------------------------------------------------------
Foucault: LOL I am a totes n00b at this, can I has a halp, plz?

[Deleted]

The Warren G. Harding Memorial Library (he was a president, right? What was he being memorialized for again?) was a nice one compared to the one Soledad had known growing up. A bit sparse, but nice. There were comfortable, clean couches to curl up and read on, a respectable backlog of magazines, even a small manga section that was even smaller when Soledad was through with it. The computers were ten years old, but they ran Firefox and that was all Soledad really needed.

Commencing operation, she texted to her escort in the parking lot, feeling both elated and a little silly, like she was playing Secret Agent. Then she claimed a computer, plugged in one of Steeljaw's location scramblers into the USB port, and got to work.

The WoW-addicted Eradicons had spent hours describing their mages, rogues, warriors, et cetera and ad nauseum, and their exploits in the magical land of Azeroth. Which was all well and good. But even the most hardened warriors had to ask for help sometimes, and from something Agnes had mentioned in passing, Soledad knew some of her Eradicon friends asked for it here: OpenRaid, a massive collection of online gaming forums. Soledad found nervousness zinging through her chest as she signed up for an account and made her first post, crossing her fingers that someone would take the hint and recognize her.

BulbasaurDealer: Hey, anyone played a Pandarian yet? I keep dying as a goblin, I want something bulkier. Is it worth switching?

She got a few replies right away, with varying levels of intelligence, and idly responded to one or two of them. Smokescreen had told her not to expect anything right away - justput yourself out there and let them come to you, and be patient, he'd advised. But it was hard to be patient when she only had an hour on the library computer and she was worrying about -

FlyBoiFrancis: ....soledad is that u?

Soledad clapped a hand over her mouth to keep from cursing out loud. She'd known a Francis among the Eradicons. Could it really be...?

BulbasaurDealer: Depends on who's asking.

FlyBoiFrancis: I brought u happy meals. u gave me a pidgeot.

...yes. It was him. Soledad let her breath out slowly.

BulbasaurDealer: Let's take this to PM.

While she waited for Francis to respond, she idly flicked through the newest posts. One of them amused her enough to reply.

Foucault: LOL I am a totes n00b at this, can I has a halp, plz?

BulbasaurDealer: I will if you quit talking like a lolcat.

[Deleted]

Kickback kept refreshing the page, pressing the button about every thirty seconds, uncertain how quickly a response would come. He certainly didn't want to miss anything.

Eventually a message from "BulbasaurDealer" came up.

Kickback wondered what the skrag a "bulbasaur" was. He couldn't find that name in any of the human communicube guides. Not even the international ones.

I will if you quit talking like a lolcat.

The Insecticon frowned. Okay, apparently they were using Standard-English instead of Internet-Meme as the method of information exchange. He squinted his eyes looking at the other posts. Some of them, however, seemed to mix the two dialects. Curious.

Foucault: Sorry, my English-Gamer is not first language. Which language should I speak you, helper friend?

Translating through two languages was a pain. It was bad enough that everything on the ship was written in Decepticon linguistics when he had been educated in High-Caste Iaconian and he spoke neither natively; now he was having to filter a rapidly evolving and poorly documented variant of an alien language that regularly broke all its own rules of grammar and spelling through that. It made his processor hurt.

Grumbling to himself, he wished he had brought a snack in with him. This was going to take awhile.

[Deleted]

FlyBoiFrancis: soledad! i've missed u! but I'm glad u escaped.

BulbasaurDealer: Thx. I was worried people would be mad at me for taking off.

FlyBoiFrancis: some of us r jealous

Soledad winced a little bit. She was sure that was all too true - being an Eradicon didn't leave much room for upward mobility. Or any kind of mobility, really. Glass ceiling? The Raddies were in a glass shoebox.

BulbasaurDealer: awww, you know I'd take you all with me if I could. But you have to tell me everything! How is everyone? How's Jeff?

Francis paused in his messaging; Soledad checked the other window while she was waiting. Foucalt had left a message; she winced again, more sheepish this time.

BulbasaurDealer: Sorry, didn't know you were ESL. Would Spanish be easier? I'm fluent in that too. If not, we'll just do the best we can.

[Deleted]

Kickback returned to his seat after a quick trip to scrounge around the dustier parts of the ship's hold with an empty storage crate. He was pretty sure no one would miss it as it hadn't been moved or used in some time.

Taking a bite out of the corner and noisily crushing, grinding and dissolving the metal in his mouth, he saw a new message pop up from BulbasaurDealer. Holding the crate in one set of hands, the other set went to work typing.

Foucault: Do not understanding Spanish yet. Other players guild in say fun this game is. Try I very hard to speaking English-American-Standard. Is this gaming very enjoyable to --

Kickback paused. He had no idea what a human hatchling was called, or if they hatched - were they sparked? He cursed his own lack of knowledge on the natives. Playing this stupid game was supposed to be easy and fun, not an embarrassing display of ignorance. He sulked and bit off another mouthful of metal, continuing his typing and filling in most neutral phrasing for human hatchlings he could manage.

-- human young stages?

[Deleted]

The worried librarian leaned over the young woman sitting at the computer with her face in her hands, spicing the air with her perfume. "Sorry to bother you, miss, but - are you all right?"

Soledad looked up, startled, then forced a smile. "I'm fine. Thanks." The librarian didn't look convinced, but she let it go; Soledad held her smile until the older woman left, then let it drop, grateful she hadn't thought to look at the screen.

FlyBoiFrancis: Jeff was deactivated. Cmmndr S. was angry - Jeff happened to b in the room.

"Starscream." The name hissed from between Soledad's teeth. For a moment she thought passionately about punching him in his stupid narrow oh-so-punchable face. Then dropping him into the Sarlaac pit where he could experience the joys of being slowly digested over a thousand years.

A few deep breaths, then...

BulbasaurDealer: I'll light a candle for him tonight. ...That's something humans do to mourn dead friends sometimes.

She refreshed the browser on autopilot and found her newbie had replied. Listlessly she read the message.

Foucault: Do not understanding Spanish yet. Other players guild in say fun this game is. Try I very hard to speaking English-American-Standard. Is this gaming very enjoyable to human young stages?

Human young stages? Sounded like something the more befuddled-by-humans Eradicons would say-

.....no way.

Smokescreen's going to lose it, Soledad thought, clicking the reply button. If this is what I think it is. An Autobot would ask one of the human kids directly if he needed Warcraft advice. But Soledad didn't think this was an Eradicon either. Which meant some other Decepticon had stumbled onto their shared hobby. Stumbled onto her.

BulbasaurDealer: 'Kids.' The word is 'kids.' Or 'children' I guess. And yeah, it's one of those games that's fun for everybody no matter your age. Be careful, though, it's pretty addictive.

Was this coincidence? Was this a 'Con checking up on what the Eradicons did in their spare time? Or was she being targeted specifically?

Game on.

[Deleted]

Kickback was puzzled. He quickly researched the terms.

'Kid' turned up pictures of smaller humans, obviously some of their first or second instars. But it also turned up pictures of a four legged herbivore. He frowned and bit off more of the crate. Was there some connection between human instars and the instars of this creature called 'goat'?

He dove into further research on human societal structures. Terms like "family", "mother" and "father" became leads to feed his newfound hunger for information. He glossed over human reproduction and quickly moved on in horrified disgust after observing recordings of the process and the end result. What kind of sick, twisted turn of evolution would produce that?! What made it worse is that all the life forms on this slagball seemed to populate through that method. This had to be some kind of galactic joke.

Everything seemed to be so backward. The human seeder caste resembled femmes; they were generally smaller and less physiologically powerful than the human mechs. Why did evolution entrust the human femmes with seeding when it should have been the mechs doing the job? At least the native insect life still had its wits about it. And yet, the larger, more powerful native seeder insects were still called 'female'.

Kickback pondered this for a moment. Did that make him "female" to the humans? Should he present himself as such to them in order to appear more native and natural? He would have to experiment with this. He did not resemble the human femmes so it might be more confusing to them to identify as such.

And then there was their "family", roughly equivalent to the Cybertronian cohort. Again, utterly backwards - but then so were Cybertronians in that regard. Why did they seek to lose their self-identity and self-will by willingly smothering themselves in the bonds of a group? Yes, the hive was strong and as a super organism it was far superior to an individual. But the becoming of individuality was the most important step in any Insecticon's lifecycle; escaping the subsummation of a drone's existence to become the self-aware-that-controls was the ultimate goal.

Further research indicated that through most of their history and societies, the human mech "father" was the designate "leader" of the human family/hive. That is what he would identify himself as, then, in human culture - a "Father". He noted that in some cultures, particularly recently in their history, the seeder "mother" was the self-aware-that-controls in the human hive (and perhaps wisely so as the life giver of the species), but was not their collective cultural norm, and as such he could not employ it. Why did the humans separate the seeder into two split-castes that needed each other to produce hatchlings? That was the greatest mystery of all.

Game on, his screen returned in the middle of his research. Kickback minimized the data archives and prepared to engage in empty frivolity to continue assimilation of native culture.

Foucault: "Children" term is strange for instar stage but understanding I. I am ready for fun now and game playing is on.

He brought up the game's interface. Standing in the middle of a grassy field of the beginner's area, identified by the 'Foucault' nametag floating over its head, was a blood elf warlock.

[Deleted]

FlyBoiFrancis: thank u, I guess
FlyBoiFrancis: gtg, shift starts in 2
FlyBoiFrancis: good to hear ur not dead

Francis signed off, and Soledad let him go with a sigh. He'd already told her more than she ever expected to learn today, and she didn't want him to get in trouble with his superiors. ....She didn't want to lose him too.

Now. About this Foucalt character...

Instar was another term she'd heard recently from the mouths of Cybertronians. Only from Cybertronians. It was looking more and more like that was what she was dealing with, but - Autobot or Decepticon? Eradicon or... not?

...Heh. It'd be funny if it was Megatron.

When she checked, the chat indicator said that Foucalt had already logged on to the game. After a quick glance around to make sure the librarians were distracted, she did the same. Her goblin mage appeared next to a blood elf warlock with Foucalt's tag. Soledad took a deep breath.

I can't stay on too long, but... what do you need to know?

[Deleted]

Kickback took a particular note of the choice BulbasaurDealer made in her character selection; the choice of appearance (or even the choice of name) for a virtual avatar could provide fascinating clues as to the workings and intentions of the individual. He wondered what age this human was and if they would pick up on what he considered to be a blatant advertisement of his own "inner self" through his avatar.

BulbasaurDealer had logged in as a goblin. The game mythos had presented them as highly intelligent con-artists, traders, miners and inventors, with a bent for accruing wealth. He surmised that whomever this human was, they were likely not affluent; those who had little tended to dream themselves rich. Intelligent and cunning were likely true to the individual, or they were traits that they admired in others. Goblins were small and unpleasant - the human likely felt short and unappealing. And lastly, a mage... affecting the environment and others through ranged projections of mysterious power over reality.... did this human feel powerless, unable to control their life?

Of course he could be entirely wrong and have misread the human after such a quick and dirty profiling, particularly considering this was an alien species to him; but that was the fun of it all, wasn't it? The game itself held little interest for Kickback, it was the observation of the players, the surmising of their motives and inner selves -- that was the real game! Thus his pleasure was derived in forming hypothesis about their mental workings that could only become true theory after rigorous testing and experimentation. Humanity as a whole was prey waiting to be taken and killed; he could guess at what delicious treasures lay within, but he would not be truly certain of their inner workings until he had had a chance to slice open the mesh and see what lay beneath.

"Foucault" held the meaning "ruling people" in an ancient human tongue. A bold statement if human names held as much obvious meaning to the species as Cybertronian names held amongst themselves. It had also been the name of a famous human philosopher who had spoken out against wrongful imprisonment and torture due to "scientific facts" about the mind (such as the "fact" that slaves who wished to escape their masters suffered from a form of mental illness!). This philosopher's arguments had, quite obviously, resonated with the sufferings of the Insecticons. He had chosen a blood elf - a wild but magnificently attractive species that hungered insatiably for fey magic. He had also chosen a magic user as well. Kickback's collected statement expressed in his avatar was that of lust, dangerous hunger, and avarice for power and control. He could not, he felt, have better stated his inner self to a native.

BulbasaurDealer. What was in a name? Kickback decided to find out.

Bulbasaur was apparently a disgusting creature known as a 'pokemon', part of yet another of humanity's recent electronic games. (The concept of enslaving what could be intelligent creatures to human whim sickened and angered him. The popularity of such a concept in human culture only made it easier and more satisfying to slaughter them when the time came).

A Dealer of Bulbasaurs. One who deals in, or trades, in the case of the game, Bulbasaurs. It lockstepped with the trading Goblin. Pokemon apparently was key to understanding this human. He made a note of it.

"Foucault" emoted a message. I am wanting to know the goal of this game. What does it train for?

[Deleted]

Soledad took a deep, frustrated breath. It doesn't really train for anything. It's just for fun. If this Decepticon was one of those who was all about working and hadn't had a day of fun in his whole life - despite herself, she was starting to feel sorry for the guy. She frowned at herself - some cool, collected secret agent she was turning out to be! - and elaborated further.

In the game, there are a lot of goals you can try for, depending on what you find the most fun. A lot of people try to make their character the strongest warrior - or mage, in my case - as an end in itself. Others develop their characters in order to test themselves against the various boss monsters. Some people try to complete collections of armor or obtain a particular weapon or mount. Some people just want to explore, see as much of the game world as they can. The most important thing is that it's all part of this huge, vibrant world, full of people from all over, all participating in elements of the same overarching story. It's an escape from everyday life, one where you might have more control over your destiny than you do in the real world.

[Deleted]

Kickback had eaten a quarter of the crate in his second set of hands, feeling steadily energized by the trickle of energon the dense metal was providing him.

"Foucault"'s response was quite simple, and quite profound:

But what does BulbasaurDealer like for fun? What is fun for BulbasaurDealer in gaming this? I am learning fun.

And that really was the question, wasn't it, after all?

Who are you? What do you want?

Life, death, self and existence could be pinned down to the dissection board and opened with those two Occam's razors.

[Deleted]

Learning fun? Soledad repeated the words in her head. ...Well, good for him. ....Or her. Or whatever. The Eradicons had chosen human names based on the sound of them, not their gender affiliation; she'd gotten the idea that human gender meant nothing to them.

I like a little bit of everything, she sent. Playfully, she triggered the command that made her goblin avatar do a little dance. I like to raid. I like to explore. I'm never in one area for very long, but if I like someplace I'll keep revisiting it. Sometimes I'll join a guild for a while - that's when a bunch of people team up to take on bigger challenges. She paused a moment, then added, Be careful what guilds you join, though. Some people can be real assholes. Especially if you let it be known you're female or use a female avatar.

Kind of like real life, that.

[Deleted]

Kickback laughed in spite of himself at the little dancing avatar in front of him. The joie de vivre of the moment was infectious. He had to admit, this little human, whoever they were, possessed a carefree innocence that at once made him envious and nostalgic.

BulbasaurDealer reminded him all too much of the femme he had matured alongside. Oh, certainly, he could look back now and decry the fact that he, a helpless hatchling, had been given to an inexperienced sparkling as a pet, but she had done a more than admirable job of caring for him. Life being carried about in her arms was safe and strangely satisfying. As he had grown she had taken to calling him Little Brother, much to the chagrin of his Master. He remembered fondly playing "Hidden and Seeker" through the impossibly large and ornate domicile atop the cliffsides of Polyhex that was their home. Those times were the happiest of his life.

That house, along with many others, had slid straight into the lower smelting pits of Polyhex, carrying those who lived in them straight into molten fire during one of the initial Decepticon bombings. There they died poetically alongside the defectives, derelicts, dead and Empties who had been fed into the smelters (sometimes still alive) and later retrieved as raw material used by artisans to decorate those very homes.

Kickback wondered if the little medic that had once been his only friend was still alive. It was highly unlikely.

It was that time of joy, he reminded himself, that gave you the perspective to understand the suffering you would endure later.

He went back to analysis.

BulbasaurDealer liked to move from place to place, it seemed. A nomadic existence, indicative of someone who had not found 'home'. Lack of a stable environment meant that this human could be exploited with greater ease than one who had a solid sense of place and identity.

He considered his next reply carefully.

Foucault: Do not understanding. Is female bad to be?

[Deleted]

Soledad's keyboard clacked angrily. NO. Absolutely not.

But some people think it is. Because they're assholes. And because of a lot of human history that she could spend weeks explaining, but she didn't want to tip her hand that she knew she wasn't speaking to another human. Fortunately you can mute anyone you don't like in the game. And there are steps you can take if the occasional idiotic comment turns into harrassment or stalking. Though she kind of, guiltily, wanted to see what would happen if one of the Internet's legion of trolls chose a Decepticon as a target.

So, what sounds fun to you? Ready to have an adventure?

[Deleted]

In this game within a game, the Insecticon felt he had begun to gain a foothold into the native human species. They were remarkably similar to a Cybertronian, at least when it came to the mental processes, and they were an intelligent, if young species. He had continued to read and read more information, consuming whole tomes of human knowledge as rapaciously as he finished the crate. It would sustain him for awhile, and that was all he needed. Now with four hands instead of two working the keyboard in front of him, he blazed through the macro instructions for commands, and prepared to immerse himself into this virtual existence.

He decided to tip his hand a little further. I am being female then. If it is unfavored caste by some, it is good bait. I must being very stronger, quickly. If very stronger, no one can hurt me anymore. Where is being good place for getting stronger? Are you very stronger?